“I am not warm and fuzzy and you are basically a stuffed animal made by grandma.”
More from Matt Witten
“So, my parents are, like, fighting all the time, and they want me to choose sides. But I…”
“Donna: Excuse me, Jackie, when exactly did you lose your soul? Jackie: Um, cheerleading…”
“Please, Jenna can't hear us. She's blind.”
“Hey, I can be a jerk to people I haven't slept with. I am that good.”