“I got alcohol poisoning. Its not fun, I don't recommend it. Its actually so funny because you can die that way. Its such a weird way to die, its so stupid. But its funny to me trying to explain it. Dying that way.
"Dude did you hear about Nick? He died."
"What, how? Who did it?"
"Nick."
"With what?"
"Sea Breezes."”
More from Nick Swardson
“[high-pitched scream] STOP IT! You say one more line and I'm-a have to smoke myself!”
“You that weak fuck from the club.”
“Gary: You know who this is! I'm from Bill Gluckman's office! Tec: Damn! He's the one…”
“Traffic, traffic lookin' fo my Chapstick, feelin' kinda carsick, there's a Ford Maverick.”