“Dude, the only difference between a black girl and a white girl is that when a black girl asks you if her ass looks big, you say, 'Hell yeah!'”
More from Tim Hobert
“Well, when you say 'classmate', it sounds like we take naps together and eat paste, but…”
“I have a conflict. It conflicts with the enjoyment of my life.”
“Look at me. I've got the body of a fifth grader.”
“I was so unpopular in high school, the crossing guards used to lure me into traffic!”