“Waitress: Will there be anything else, sir?
Heffer Wolfe: [referring to a pair of chopsticks] Yeah, these plastic things can't cut my burrito.”
More from Vince Calandra
“Wait here! Let's celebrate the first day of our eventual demise. I'll light the candle.”
“...death is life's great reward!”
“They grow so fast, then leave ya. You just hope you raise them right.”
“You know, you oughta be more careful. All this dying might be bad for your health.”