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Vince Calandra

32 quotes

All Richard Nixon (1)bad driving (1)supreme court justices (1)Condescension (1)newspaper (1)Football (1)courteney cox (1)dangerous (1)Accidents (1)Toast (1)outdoor man (1)Fear (1)north korea (1)Happy Thanksgiving (1)Drug Dealers (1)

From “King Ten Pin”

You Babies are so dumb, I'm suprised you even know which end of the bottle to suck!

dumb bottle Stupid Sassy Diss

From “Thanksgiving”

All right, all right, to all my winos, gamblers and drug dealers, Happy Thanksgiving.

winos Gamblers Drug Dealers Happy Thanksgiving Toast

Boyd Baxter: I'm doing a class project on what we're thankful for. Kristin Baxter: He want's to do a video like your vlogs for Outdoor Man. Mike Baxter: Everybody's thankful for those. Boyd Baxter: I like the one where the president needs to pull his head out of Putin's butt.

Vlogs outdoor man class project

Football on, women setting the table, why can't every day be Thanksgiving?

Football gender roles Thanksgiving

From “Rediscover America”

Vanessa Baxter: Eve is opening doors for women. Kristin Baxter: Hmm, just like Hillary Clinton. Mike Baxter: Well, Hillary better knock... make sure Bill's got his pants on.

Bill Clinton Hillary Clinton glass ceiling

Vanessa Baxter: Mike, I thought there was supposed to be an article about you in the Denver Business Weekly? Mike Baxter: The guy needed more time. Apparently, five thousand words isn't enough to take in all of this. Vanessa Baxter: Well, that's the price you pay for being so fascinating. Mike…

denver business weeklyl fascinating geologist dodged a bullet

Kyle Anderson: Ya know, you gotta give it up for Columbus. Discoverin' the New World. Mike Baxter: Well, I'll give him this, he's a good salesman. Kyle Anderson: I think you mean sailo. Mike Baxter: No, I mean salesman. He was an Italian, got the Spanish to pay for three trips to India, which he…

christopher columbus India spanish italian Sailor

Mandy Baxter: Wait a sec. Eve's in the paper, Dad's in a magazine. Sorry, did this whole family get a publicist and not tell me? Eve Baxter: You don't need a publicist. Aren't you mentioned in a lot of limericks? Mandy Baxter: Joke's on you. I don't know what a limerick is.

limericks publicity joke's on you

From “Sinkhole”

Mike Baxter: [after almost driving into a sinkhole] Oh, man! You good? It's all good. It's all good. Hold on a second. [puts car in reverse and pushes Boyd back into his seat] Get back in there. Sit back down. [after backing away from the sinkhole] Okay, listen, you sure you're all right? Boyd…

Driving bad driving Accidents Karate

President Richard Nixon once said, 'People react to fear, not love.' Easy for him to say because he was kinda scary and nobody loved him.

Richard Nixon Fear Love

Eve Baxter: [reading the newspaper] Why can't the people in the Middle East keep it together? Mandy Baxter: [reading a celeb gossip magazine] Why can't Taylor Swift hold onto a boyfriend? Eve Baxter: Why can't North Korea join the rest of the world community? Mandy Baxter: Why can't Courteney Cox…

newspaper Middle East north korea courteney cox Friends

Ed Alzate: With this water purifier they can drink their own pee. Mike Baxter: Or river water, or lake water. But by all means, use the pee as a selling point.

water purifiers Pee selling point

Eve Baxter: Stick around. You'll learn something about the world. Mandy Baxter: I know all about the world. I was already in it while you were still busy ruining Mom's body.

Condescension Pregnancy insults

Mike Baxter: Okay, what Supreme Court justice do we want to retire? Boyd Baxter: Ruth Bader Ginsburg. Mike Baxter: Nice! And what are the five justices that we want to stay on forever? Boyd Baxter: Don't tell me, I know this one... Mike Baxter: I gave you a little hint, remember? The star method?…

supreme court justices antonin scalia ruth bader ginsburg Clarence Thomas

From “Hair of the Cat”

Mr. Noggin: You don't understand! Nobody understands! And so, I became a recluse, forever hidden and lonely. Spare the world my grotesqueness! Oh Lord! I put my pants on one leg at a time, too! Have you no heart? Ren Höek: You're right. I will mend my evil ways. Starting tomorrow!

From “I Was a Teenage Stimpy / Who's Stupid Now?”

They grow so fast, then leave ya. You just hope you raise them right.

It's natural. It's just another growth spurt, buddy. But, your brain will catch up eventually.

The blessed transformation into adulthood. Once you are a man, you'll in turn take care of me, catering to my every whim, for the remainder of your natural life. How's that sound?

From “Terminal Stimpy / Pen Pals”

...death is life's great reward!

You know, you oughta be more careful. All this dying might be bad for your health.

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