Office Space

“[talking on the phone] And I said, I don't care if they lay me off either, because I told, I told Bill that if they move my desk one more time, then, then I'm, I'm quitting, I'm going to quit. And, and I told Don too, because they've moved my desk four times already this year, and I used to be over…”

— Mike Judge, Milton Waddams, Stephen Root, imdb.com

“We're gonna be getting rid of these people here….First, Mr. Samir Naga... Naga... Naga...Not gonna work here anymore, anyway.”

— Mike Judge, Bob Porter, Paul Willson, imdb.com

“Bob Slydell: I'd like to move us right along to a Peter Gibbons. Now, we had a chance to meet this young man and, boy, that's just a straight-shooter with 'upper management' written all over him. Bill Lumbergh: Oooo...yeahhhh, ummm...I'm gonna have to go ahead and sort of disagree with you there. Ye…”

— Mike Judge, Bill Lumbergh, Gary Cole, imdb.com

“Peter Gibbons: [Explaining the plan] All right, so when the sub routine compounds the interest is uses all these extra decimal places that just get rounded off. So we simplified the whole thing, we rounded them all down, drop the remainder into an account we opened. Joanna: [Confused] So you're stea…”

— Mike Judge, Peter Gibbons, Ron Livingston, imdb.com

“Bob Slydell: Would you bear with me for just a second here? Peter Gibbons: Okay. Bob Slydell: What if—and believe me this is hypothetical—but what if you were offered some kind of a stock option equity sharing program? Would that do anything for you? Peter Gibbons: I don't know, I guess. Listen, I'm…”

— Mike Judge, Peter Gibbons, Ron Livingston, imdb.com

“Bob Slydell: You see, what we're trying to do is get a feeling for how people spend their time at work so if you would, would you walk us through a typical day, for you? Peter Gibbons: Yeah. Bob Slydell: Great. Peter Gibbons: Well, I generally come in at least fifteen minutes late, ah, I use the sid…”

— Mike Judge, Peter Gibbons, Ron Livingston, imdb.com

“Peter Gibbons: You see, Bob, it's not that I'm lazy, it's that I just don't even care. Bob Porter: Don’t—don't care? Peter Gibbons: It's a problem of motivation, all right? Now if I work my ass off and Initech ships a few extra units, I don't see another dime, so where's the motivation? And here's a…”

— Mike Judge, Peter Gibbons, Ron Livingston, imdb.com

“Peter Gibbons: It's not just about me and my dream of doing nothing. It's about all of us. I don't know what happened to me at that hypnotherapist and, I don't know, maybe it was just shock and it's wearing off now, but when I saw that fat man keel over and die—Michael, we don't have a lot of time o…”

— Mike Judge, Peter Gibbons, Ron Livingston, imdb.com

“Bob Porter: Looks like you've been missing a lot of work lately. Peter Gibbons: Well, I wouldn't exactly say I've been missing it, Bob.”

— Mike Judge, Peter Gibbons, Ron Livingston, imdb.com

“Peter Gibbons: So I was sitting in my cubicle today, and I realized, ever since I started working, every single day of my life has been worse than the day before it. So that means that every single day that you see me, that's on the worst day of my life. Dr. Swanson: What about today? Is today the w…”

— Mike Judge, Peter Gibbons, Ron Livingston, imdb.com

“Joanna: So, where do you work, Peter? Peter Gibbons: Initech. Joanna: Ini—yeah, what do you do there? Peter Gibbons: I sit in a cubicle and I update bank software for the 2000 switch. Joanna: What's that? Peter Gibbons: Well see, they wrote all this bank software, and, uh, to save space, they used t…”

— Mike Judge, Peter Gibbons, Ron Livingston, imdb.com

“Peter Gibbons: Our high school guidance counselor used to ask us what you would do if you had a million dollars and didn't have to work. And invariably, whatever you'd say, that was supposed to be your career. So if you wanted to fix old cars, then you're supposed to be an auto mechanic. Samir Naghe…”

— Mike Judge, Michael Bolton, David Herman, imdb.com

“Peter Gibbons: What would you do if you had a million dollars? Lawrence: I'll tell you what I'd do, man: two chicks at the same time, man. Peter Gibbons: [laughs] That's it? If you had a million dollars, you'd do two chicks at the same time? Lawrence: Damn straight. I always wanted to do that, man.…”

— Mike Judge, Peter Gibbons, Ron Livingston, imdb.com

“Female Temp: Michael...Bolton? Michael Bolton: Yeah, that's me. Female Temp: Wow! Is that your real name? Michael Bolton: Yeah. Female Temp: So are you related to that singer guy? Michael Bolton: No. It's just a coincidence. Female Temp: [visibly disappointed] Oh. Samir Nagheenanajar: No one in this…”

— Mike Judge, Michael Bolton, David Herman, imdb.com

“Hey, Peter, watch your cornhole, bud.”

— Mike Judge, Lawrence, Diedrich Bader, imdb.com

“No. No, man. Shit, no, man. I believe you'd get your ass kicked sayin' something like that, man.”

— Mike Judge, Lawrence, Diedrich Bader, imdb.com

“Fuckin' A!”

— Mike Judge, Lawrence, Diedrich Bader, imdb.com

“[drunk singing] Back up in your ass with the resurrection.”

— Mike Judge, Samir Nagheenanajar, Ajay Naidu, imdb.com

“Yes, I am also not a pussy.”

— Mike Judge, Samir Nagheenanajar, Ajay Naidu, imdb.com

“Why does it say ‘paper jam' when there IS no paper jam?!”

— Mike Judge, Samir Nagheenanajar, Ajay Naidu, imdb.com