Season 1

“Donkeylips: I can hock a loogie eight feet in the air and catch it with my tongue. Michael: Well, your mother must be really proud.”

— Steve Slavkin, Eddie 'Donkeylips' Gelfen & Michael Stein, Michael Bower & Erik MacArthur, imdb.com

“And you're, like, a straight-A, never had a cavity, in bed by ten sort of kid, aren't you?”

— Steve Slavkin, Bobby Budnick, Danny Cooksey, imdb.com

“I'd rather be bad than boring.”

— Steve Slavkin, Bobby Budnick, Danny Cooksey, imdb.com

“[while locked in a public bathroom] Hey, they got this thing on the wall that sells balloons!”

— Steve Slavkin, Eddie 'Donkeylips' Gelfen, Michael Bower, imdb.com

“Smooth move, Ex-lax! I'm outta here!”

— Steve Slavkin, Michael Stein, Erik MacArthur, imdb.com

“Budnick: What is THIS? Donkeylips: It's a bag of potato chips. Budnick: I asked for ruffled potato chips. Donkeylips: Hey, what's the difference? Budnick: One has ruffles and the other one doesn't, ya moron.”

— Steve Slavkin, Bobby Budnick & Eddie 'Donkeylips' Gelfen, Danny Cooksey & Michael Bower, imdb.com

“From this moment on, you are all on Double Permanent Confinement until I find out who hung up on my girlfriend!”

— Steve Slavkin, Kevin 'Ug' Lee, Kirk Baily, imdb.com

“Come on. Let's see what else you have inside... your... head.”

— Steve Slavkin, Zeke The Plumber, imdb.com

“Cross my heart, hope to die, stick a pizza in my mouth.”

— Steve Slavkin, Eddie 'Donkeylips' Gelfen, Michael Bower, imdb.com

“Budnick: A long time ago, there was a guy named Zeke. He used to clean out the toilets here at camp. Dina: Already it's a horror story.”

— Steve Slavkin, Bobby Budnick & Dina Alexander, Danny Cooksey & Heidi Lucas, imdb.com