“He's using you as a toilet friend.”— Armando Iannucci, Jon Brown, Karen Kelly, Rebecca Front, imdb.com
“Marty Glouberman doesn't relax. The man eats on the toilet to save time.”— Andrew Goldberg, Mark Levin, Jennifer Flackett, Nick Kroll, Andrew Glouberman (voice), John Mulaney, imdb.com
“I'm going back to diapers.”— Kenya Barris, Peter Saji, Tracee Ellis Ross, Santamonica Johnson, Mykal-Michelle Harris, imdb.com
“Dylan says the squishy toilet seats are like pressing your butt against someone else's butt, and then pooping into their butthole.”— Dan Perrault, Tony Yacenda, Spencer Diaz, Eduardo Franco, imdb.com
“I think someone should just take this city and just...just flush it down the fuckin' toilet.”— Paul Schrader, Travis Bickle, Robert De Niro, imdb.com
“Would I get married again? No, I want to be waiting outside the bathroom of my boarding house forever. Of course, I do. That's why I go to that wretched dance every week. I want to be waiting outside my own bathroom, while some bad-tempered fellow with hair growing out of his ears reads the newspape…”— Nick Hornby, Sheila Heffernan, Nora Jane Noone, imdb.com
“Budnick: A long time ago, there was a guy named Zeke. He used to clean out the toilets here at camp. Dina: Already it's a horror story.”— Steve Slavkin, Bobby Budnick & Dina Alexander, Danny Cooksey & Heidi Lucas, imdb.com
“Ellen: What are you looking at? Clark: Oh, the silent majesty of a winter's morn... the clean, cool chill of the holiday air... an asshole in his bathrobe, emptying a chemical toilet into my sewer... [Eddie, in the driveway, is draining the RV's toilet] Shitter was full. Clark: Ah, yeah. You checked…”— John Hughes, Clark Griswold, Chevy Chase, imdb.com
“Celie: He just climb on top of me and do his business. Shug: 'Do his business'? You sound like he going to the toilet on you. Celie: That's what it feel like. Shug: Why then, Miss Celie...that means you still a virgin!”— Menno Meyjes, Celie, Whoopi Goldberg, imdb.com
“Irwin Blitzer: Gentlemen, a bobsled is a simple thing. Man: Yeah, so's a toilet!”— Lynn Siefert, Michael Goldberg, Tommy Swerdlow, Irving 'Irv' Blitzer, John Candy, imdb.com
“Lisa: Oh no, it's Ralph! Just make up some excuse! Homer: [answering the door] She's in the can. Go away. Ralph: Yes, sir! I'd do anything for Lisa.”— Frank Mula, Lisa Simpson, Yeardley Smith, imdb.com
“I found the Fountain of Youth! It's the toilet!”— Joan Binder Weiss, David Weiss, Salem Saberhagen (voice), Nick Bakay, imdb.com
“Excuse me, can I have everyone's attention please? Everyone can hear me? Good. Frankly, this is not a conversation I ever thought I would have in my professional career. But it's been brought to my attention that we have an ongoing situation in the washroom. Someone is not flushing. Once is an accid…”— Gordon Smith, Cliff Main, Ed Begley Jr., imdb.com
“Get off the high road, Summer! We all got pinkeye because you won't stop texting on the toilet.”— Mike McMahan, Justin Roiland, Dan Harmon, Rick Sanchez (voice), Justin Roiland, imdb.com
“Squidward, I used your clarinet to unclog my toilet!”— Mr. Lawrence, Jay Lender, Dan Povenmire, Spongebob Squarepants, Tom Kenny, imdb.com
“People wonder why I call my toilet ‘the Jim’ instead of ‘the John.’ I do it so I can say ‘I go to the Jim first thing every morning.’”— Unknown, tcat.tc
“What Do Reddit and My Toilet Have In Common? I find myself getting stuck on them every morning.”— ImBurningCookies, reddit.com
“You should never eat when you're on the toilet. "But I'm lactose-intolerant, and I've always wanted to enjoy a bowl of Puffins with whole milk!" That's more of an almond milk cereal, but live your dream.”— Daniel Tosh, en.wikiquote.org