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Quotes tagged ‘Absurd’

(52 total)

Is that a llama with a hammer?

— Steve Oedekerk, Joan Baxter, Lauren Graham, imdb.com

Jack: [referring to Cal] Do you love him? Rose: Pardon me? Jack: Do you love him? Rose: Well, you're being very rude. You shouldn't be asking me this. Jack: [amused, referring to Cal] Well, it's a simple question. Do you love the guy or not? Rose: This is not a suitable conversation. Jack: Why can't…

— James Cameron, Jack Dawson, Leonardo Dicaprio, imdb.com

Tonight, when I'm cookin' that chili, I'll cut up this cauliflower, and we'll tell them we've got rabbit brains in there.

— Elliot Stern, Tim Taylor, Tim Allen, imdb.com

If my dog had your face, I'd shave his butt and teach him to walk backwards!

— John D. Hess, Maxwell Klinger, Jamie Farr, imdb.com

We're not friends. We've never been friends. It's like talking to a steak.

— Jonathan Lisco, David Michod, Nicky, Molly Gordon, imdb.com

It is, therefore, no argument against ceremonial magic to say that it is ‘absurd’ to try to raise a thunderstorm by beating a drum; it is not even fair to say that you have tried the experiment, found it would not work, and so perceived it to be ‘impossible.’ You might as well claim that, as you had…

— Aleister Crowley, amazon.com

It's a good thing a lot of people speak foreign languages, otherwise those people would have no one to talk to.

— Steven Wright, imdb.com

I need one of those baby monitors for my subconscious to my consciousness so I can know what the hell I'm really thinking about.

— Steven Wright, imdb.com

I woke up one morning, [my girlfriend] asked me if I slept good. I said, ‘No, I made a few mistakes.’

— Steven Wright, imdb.com

I bought some powdered water, but I don't know what to add.

— Steven Wright, imdb.com

A lot of people are afraid of heights; not me, I'm afraid of widths.

— Steven Wright, imdb.com

Sometimes you can't hear me, it's because sometimes I'm in parentheses.

— Steven Wright, imdb.com

Everywhere is walking distance if you've got the time.

— Steven Wright, imdb.com

I went to a museum where they had all the heads and arms from the statues that are in all the other museums.

— Steven Wright, imdb.com

When I first read the dictionary, I thought it was a long poem about everything.

— Steven Wright, en.wikiquote.org

Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while I was a suspect.

— Steven Wright, en.wikiquote.org

I have a large seashell collection which I keep scattered on the beaches all over the world. Maybe you've seen it.

— Steven Wright, en.wikiquote.org

I recently went to the hardware store and I bought some used paint...it was in a shape of a house. I also bought some batteries, but they weren't included. So I had to buy them again.

— Steven Wright, en.wikiquote.org

You never know what you have until it’s gone, and I wanted to know what I had, so I got rid of everything.

— Steven Wright, theguardian.com

It ain't over till it's over.

— Yogi Berra, amazon.com

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