Quotes tagged ‘Best of Quotes’

“Woodstock: What's the password? Ace Ventura: New England clam chowder. Woodstock: Is that the red or the white? Ace Ventura: Ah, I can never remember that. White.”

— Jack Bernstein, Ace Ventura, Jim Carrey, amazon.com

“[While looking at a very large castle] Do you think maybe he's compensating for something?”

— William Steig, Ted Elliott, Shrek, Mike Myers, amazon.com

“Shrek: Ogres are like onions... Donkey: They stink? Shrek: Yes... No. Donkey: They make you cry? Shrek: Nooo!”

— William Steig, Ted Elliott, Shrek, Mike Myers, amazon.com

“Shrek: I'm going to be a father, how did this happen? Puss: Allow me to explain. You see when a man loves a woman, a powerful urge sweeps over him. Shrek: I know how it happened!!”

— William Steig, Ted Elliott, Shrek, Mike Myers, amazon.com

“My donkey fell in your waffle hole.”

— William Steig, Ted Elliott, Shrek, Mike Myers, amazon.com

“If I have to tear this universe another black hole, I'm going to find it. I've..... got to mister.”

— Jack Bernstein, Ace Ventura, Jim Carrey, amazon.com

“Ace Ventura Pet Detective. And you must be the Monopoly guy.”

— Jack Bernstein, Ace Ventura, Jim Carrey, amazon.com

“Your request is not unlike your lower intestine. Stinky and loaded with danger.”

— Jack Bernstein, Ace Ventura, Jim Carrey, amazon.com

“Ace Ventura: Hi, I'm looking for Ray Finkle. Ray Finkles Mom: [Pulls out shotgun] Ace Ventura: And a clean pair of shorts.”

— Jack Bernstein, Ace Ventura, Jim Carrey, amazon.com

“Good question aguado, first I establish a motive. In this case the killer saw the size of the bugs dick and became insanely jealous.”

— Jack Bernstein, Ace Ventura, Jim Carrey, amazon.com

“Holy testicle Tuesday! Hey maybe I'll give you a call some time. Your number still 9-1-1? Alrighty then.”

— Jack Bernstein, Ace Ventura, Jim Carrey, amazon.com

“No the guy with the rubber glove was surpringly gentle.”

— Jack Bernstein, Ace Ventura, Jim Carrey, amazon.com

“Do you find me sexy? Ohhhh, look at my tit-ays.”

— Michael McCullers, Mike Myers, Fat Bastard, Mike Myers, amazon.com

“Austin Powers: Did you just soil yourself? Fat Bastard: Maybe? It did sound a little wet, didn't it? Right at the end. Let's have a smell alright. Ohh wafting, wafting. Ohh everyone likes their own brand, this is magic. Alright analysis... It smells like carrots and throws up. Ohh that could gag a m…”

— Michael McCullers, Mike Myers, Fat Bastard, Mike Myers, amazon.com

“Come here I'm going to eat you. I'm bigger than you I'm higher on the food chain. Get in my belly!”

— Michael McCullers, Mike Myers, Fat Bastard, Mike Myers, amazon.com

“Here's my diaper. I think I might have pinched one off too soon. [Sniffs diaper] Oh ya, I left a rosebud in there for ya.”

— Mike Myers, Michael McCullers, Fat Bastard, Mike Myers, amazon.com

“Of course, I'm not happy. Look at me, I'm a big fat slob. I've got bigger titties than you. I've got more chins than Chinese phone book. I've not seen my willy in two years which is long enough to declare I'm legally dead.”

— Michael McCullers, Mike Myers, Fat Bastard, Mike Myers, amazon.com

“Listen missy, do you fancy another go? Because once you've had fat you never go back.”

— Michael McCullers, Mike Myers, Fat Bastard, Mike Myers, amazon.com

“Dr. Evil, let me make you a deal alright? You keep the mojo, you keep the money. And I'll get your baby [while smacking lips].”

— Michael McCullers, Mike Myers, Fat Bastard, Mike Myers, amazon.com

“First things first, where's your shitter? I've got a turtle head poking out. I'm not kidding I got a crap on deck that could choke a donkey. Christ I'm getting all emotinoal from it, ya know?”

— Mike Myers, Michael McCullers, Fat Bastard, Mike Myers, amazon.com