“Guy is sitting in a bar when the bartender notices the empty glass in front of him. "Care for another?" the bartender asks. Guy replies "why would I want two empty glasses?"”— cheluhu, reddit.com
“What's the best part about being a necrophiliac? Cracking open a cold one with the boys.”— bpg5075, reddit.com
“My girlfriend told me to go out and get something that makes her look sexy. So I got drunk.”— ohRyZze, reddit.com
“neologism, n.: We decide that the verb for drinking while already considerably drunk should be ‘drunking.”— David Levithan, twitter.com
“Bloody Mary, full of vodka, blessed are you among cocktails. Pray for me now, at the hour of my death... which I hope is soon. Amen.”— Mehar Sethi, Adam Reed, Sterling Archer (voice), H. Jon Benjamin, imdb.com
“Six weeks into the marriage, on New Year's Eve 1959, I wanted to go dancing with him at a nightclub. He said he'd rather get drunk with his brothers.”— Bettie Page, latimesblogs.latimes.com
“The only thing better than one of my songs is one of my songs with a glass of scotch.”— Jackie Gleason, books.google.com
“Drinking removes warts and pimples. Not from me. But from those I look at.”— Jackie Gleason, books.google.com
“A group of people were hospitalised after a calculus midterm. The cops said they were drinking and deriving.”— dawayoflife, reddit.com
“I have drunken deep of joy, And I will taste no other wine tonight.”— Percy Bysshe Shelley, en.wikiquote.org
“College calculus is like a drinking game against a super-heavyweight. Even if you know your limits, you're dead no matter what.”— GeorgeWashingTin, reddit.com
“One sip of this will bathe the drooping spirits in delight, beyond the bliss of dreams.”— John Milton, amazon.com
“Mocking a woman is like drinking too much wine. It may be fun for a short time, but the hangover is hell.”— Brandon Sanderson, amazon.com
“I resent the idea that the Irish are all violent drunks. We’re perfectly capable of violence when sober, thank you very much.”— deepthaw, reddit.com
“There’s too many things I enjoy doing and I don’t want to wake up feeling hungover.”— Joaquin Phoenix, nytimes.com
“When I go to bed and I've had so much alcohol: I'm a lost soul. I'm the compromised, I'm a dumb fool.”— The Jezabels, open.spotify.com
“Well, a wiser fella than myself once said sometimes you eat the bar, and - much obliged - sometimes the bar, well, he eats you.”— Joel Coen, Ethan Coen, The Stranger, Sam Elliott, amazon.com
“Alcoholism is an insidious disease; until I confronted it I wasn’t aware that it was creeping up on me. I finally did AA in the hardcore down on Pico Boulevard. I said, ‘Don’t put me in with Elton John or anything, just throw me to the lions.’”— Sam Shepard, theparisreview.org