Quote
Catalog

Sterling Archer (voice)

16 quotes

All Sex (4)Sassy (3)Hungover (2)Death (2)Sock (1)Heart Is not in it (1)Herpes (1)Comparing (1)Drinking (1)Huge (1)Crocodiles (1)Fear (1)Internet (1)Gross (1)Murder (1)

From “Swiss Miss”

Bloody Mary, full of vodka, blessed are you among cocktails. Pray for me now, at the hour of my death... which I hope is soon. Amen.

Drinking Hungover

Anka: I'm from Germany, where the age of consent is 14. Archer: What is it, the Alabama of Europe?

Germany Consent Sex Alabama

From “Training Day”

Cyril: Besides, I'm sure it's not the first time you've kept a secret from Lana. Archer: Uh hello! Herpes?!

Secret Herpes Not The First Time

From “Skorpio”

Archer: [After being distracted by Lana in her underwear] Right, because you walked into Strippers Discount Warehouse and said, 'Help me showcase my intellect'! Lana: Strippers Discount? Hel-LO! These-are-Fiacchi! Archer: I think it's pronounced, 'Knock-off!'

stripper Knock-off Intellect Underwear Showcase

From “The Rock”

I didn't invent the turtleneck, Lana. But I was the first to see its potential as a tactical garment. The Tactical Turtleneck, Lana. The... Tactleneck!

Turtleneck Potential Garment Tactical invention

From “Pipeline Fever”

That's just great. She gets dinner and Dixieland and laid. And I get mosquitoes and no beer and... not laid. How could this get any... [alligator surfaces and growls] LET ME FINISH... worse. You ruined it. You ruined the moment.

Dinner Laid Sex Worse moment

From “Placebo Effect”

Archer: Name the douchebag who's in charge! Mobster: Vincent... Van Go-fuck-yourself. Archer: Vincent Van Go-fuck-myself. Survey says!

douchebag Vincent Van Gogh Diss Sassy

From “El Contador”

Lana: That since we are going to die tomorrow, we should have sex. Archer: Are you kidding? After seeing a tiger get murdered? Lana, I'm not in the mood! ...I mean, if you want to, I can watch while you masturbate, but just so you know, my heart's not going to be into it. It's going to be with that…

Sex Death Tiger Murder masturbate

From “Crossing Over”

No, forget the glass Woodhouse, just give me the pitcher. For I am a sinner in the hands of an angry God. Bloody Mary, full of vodka, blessed are you among cocktails. Pray for me now and at the hour of my death, which I hope is soon. Amen.

Hungover Death Awful Alcohol

From “Fugue and Riffs”

Sour mix? In a margarita? What is this, Auschwitz?

Sour Mix Margarita Wrong Mix Gross Torture

From “Legs”

Archer: Thank you... What was your name again? Rodney: Rodney. Archer: Thank you. Asshole.

Rude asshole Sassy

From “Vision Quest”

Lana, it's cashmere, there are rules.

Cashmere Rules fabric

From “Deadly Velvet”

Malory: And what the hell are you wearing? Archer: I think, technically, it's a... loincloth? Fashioned out of a baby-doll nightie. [Malory lifts a finger to say something, then lets out a sigh] Well, sorry, Mother. I didn't know I was going to a funeral. I would've worn a black one.

Loincloth Nightie funeral Black

From “Southbound and Down”

Cyril: How do you not know the different kinds of porn? Archer: Because I have sex with actual women, Cyril! My girlfriend's not equal parts the Internet, a tube of Kentucky jelly, self-loathing, and a sock.

Porn Different Types Of Porn Women Sex Internet

From “The Rules of Extraction”

Cyril: What do crocodiles eat? Archer: EVERYTHING! THEY EAT EVERYTHING! And fear is their bacon bits!

Crocodiles food Fear

From “Ladyfingers”

Poovey: I can never unsee him naked. Archer: I mean, the size of that thing. Poovey: Haul that big bastard out and you can use it as an umbrella stand.

Naked penis Huge Umbrella Stand

MMWWWMMMMW&KKMWM MMMMMM&K WWW K MWWK KK&MWWWWWWKK &M& &WWMM&&&M&K K&&&MWWWWWWMK&K&MW WWWMM&KK WWWWK WWW& KK&MWWWWWMK &WW& WWWWWWWM&&K KKK&&MWWW&W WWWMM&K MWWWWW KWWWWM & K&&MMMK&& KMW& MWWWWWWM&KK K&&MWMMWMMWMK K&MWWM&K KWWWWWWWWWWWM WWWWWW & KK&&&MM& MKMWWWWMKK KK KKKK&&&MWWMMMWMWM&&MM&&K WWWWWWWWWWWM &M&MK K&M&MMMWW &MMKMMMM& KKKKKK&KKWM& KMKKK & WWWWWWWM& K& KK&K&K K&&MMK KKKK&&MM&K &K K M&K M WWWWW& KKKM& KWWW& &MK&M&K KK&&&&&&MM KK K&&K && MM KKK&&MK &MWW&K K K&KK&&&&& K KK W&K K W KKMM&&K MMWM&&K KKK&M&&MMWM&&MMM&K &WM K W& KM&MMMM &&WW&&&K &MMWWWWWWMMM& WW& KWW K&MWWWWWWWMMMMM&&&& &&MWMWMM& WW WM KMWWWWWMMMM& K & K WWM MWW K&MMMM&K M&K WWWW&K &WWWWK &W &K MW &MMKK&&KK KKK KWWWWMM &WM WWWWMWWMM&&&KK & WWWWWWMMMMK &WWWM WWWWWWWMMMWWWWWWWW&WWW MWWWWWWW&WWWWMMMMWWWWWM WWWWWWWWM&WWMWM&&WWWWW WWWWWWWW&MWM&WWWWWWW MWWWWWWWWW&&MKMWWWWWWW WWWWWWWWW&MWWWWWWWMW WWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW KWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW WWWWWWWWW WWWWWWWWW& WWWWWWWW &WWWWWWWWK WWWWWWW WWWWWWWWW KWWWWWWW WWWWWWWWK MWWWWWW WWWWWWWW KWWWWWWW WWWWWWW K&&&&& KKK&K WWWWWWM W&WWWWWK WWWWWWWW W WWWWWWW W KK W M K KM W & K&K M W WW W M WWWWWWW&W WWWWW W W W &W W WWWW W& W KWW& W WK M W&W WW W WWWWWWWW WMW W W WWWWWWW WWWW& WWWWWWW WWWW & & K K K W M & W MK KK KM W WK K KK W K K& WWWWWW WWWK W W W W M W WW W W W WKM MM W MM W W&MM W W W WW WM &W W MW&K W &WWWWW WWW & & K KK & K K K &K K K && WWWWW WWK WWWWK WW WK W MM MWWWW WK W &W W &MM W&WK&&K M W MW W W W W WW&KW&WKW WW WW MKW WW MWWWW W KK M M M& KK K & M M K W K W KM KW MWWWW K

..........: :.. , . , : : :, . ,,,,. . : , :::::::, ,,, . ........ ., : :. , ,. . ,. , ., , ::,::::, :,, ............ : :. . , : ,,. . , :::,,,, ,,, .. ........., :, : : : .:, . .,:::::: .,, .. ..,,.,,:::: . . , . , . . . , ,, :. . ..,: :::, ::, ...,..,:::::: ,, . :: . , . . : . . : . .. .. . : :: ::, ,,,,:,.,::: :,. . : .: : :: . : : ..,.. . ... : ::, ::::::::,,: , : , . .: , , , ::::: : : . , . , .: :, ,. : :: : : : , : ,: :::::::,: :: :. :: : , : ,. , ., :::::::,,:::: : :: . , ,, . ., : , , . . , ,. : ,,: :::,::::: : : , . , :, . . :. . . : ,:::::,:::::::: :,. , . . :. : : .... . . : . ..... , : ,. . . .. ,.. , :, . : : . : ,. : ., :. : :,. .,, , .. . , . ,, , , :: . .. : . , :. ....: , , .. . : :: : . , : : .: : : ,.. , : , ,: , .. . . , , :, . . ,:, , . ., :: : ,: .. . ... : : , , : . . :. ,. . . : , : ..,, . ., : :., : : ., .., . .. ,.., ,. , ,: : . .: : , . .,: :.. :.: . ::. .., . .: ,: . ,. . .: , ,: . , . :,. ., :. : : :........:.,: .. ., : . , .. .. .,: :.: ,. , : .: . :: , ,,., : :, . , : : . . .: : ,: :,. : , .,, . , . , : :: ,,: .: . , ..,, , : , . : : :: : . :,: , ::: , :., . . :. : ::. , :. : :.,.,::. , :,,.. . ,, , .., : : : . :: ,::, : ,: .: :,. ., ..,:, :. ,. : , :. . . , :::. . :, : : : .:: ::,,,,, ., .. : : ,:,,: : ,, , ., , ,:,,. . . . . ,. . . ,:,, .,,, :::,,: :,, ,: . : , : ::::. .. .. : : ::: : ,, , , . , :,: ::, .: :,,,.. . .: , : :: , : ., :: :: :,,:: : : :: . . : , . ::::: , ,::.: :: . .. .: ::::,, .,: .. : : ,, :, :: ::.: , ::,::,, :::,. : ...::. , , :,:, . : ::: . ,, .:,: :::::,: : , : , : : . , : . ,::::.: : ::. :: ::: . : : :: :::, ,,: .: , :::::, : . : :,,.,. ::,, ::::::, : . .:: :::: ::: , ::,.: : : :. , ::,:,: ,. , . . . ,..,: ::.. . :::::,,,: : ::: ... : , :: : ,,,. : ::: . ,: ,: :: .: :::::,: .::::,: : ,: : : . ,,:: :: :: :. : :: , ,,::::,:: ,, :.: ::. ::,::: :::,,: ,, , .::::::

** * ~~~~ ~ ~~ * }* < ~ }} < } ~~~~~~ } } ~ } } * *} }} <} } * * } * } }* < } *< * } * }}< ~ <~ << <* < *~ << ~<}*~ ** } } ~ ~ < * <<~~~~<<<~~~< * < } } ~~ ~ ~~~*~*~ <~ }<} }} < }< * ~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~ < ~ <} * }<~ *<~~ ~~<<< *~~ < < < } ~* < } ~ ~~~~~ ~ ~~~~< * }} *} <<< ~<~< <~~ ~~~~~<<<<~ ~<~* <* ~ } }} < * < < ~~ ~~~~~~~~ ~ * * ~ } < } ~*} ~<<<~ <~< <~~<<<<***<<~ << * * } * ~*~ ~~ ~ ~~~~~ ~ ** <*} *<**~ *<* ***************~* ~ } * ~ ~~ ~~ ~ ~ ~~~~ } ~ }< < ~} }* }<***< **< ****}}}}}*****}* * }} < } }~ *~* } ~ < *< <} ~ * } ~}} }}*}}}* *<< ***}}}}}}}****** ~< }* }< <~*}< < ~<~ ~< } }< ~*}* } *}}}* }** }}}}}}}}}***}**}*< *} }*< << * }~~<~ } ~<**}~ <*< ~~ * *< } * *~}* *** }}}}}}}}}}}}}< <} <~~~ }}*} *}* * * }*<<<< * *<~<* }} }}}}} < } < * } *}}<* *** } }}}}} } }}}} ** ~ ~ ~ }} ****< < <~< }**}*}}} } *} ~* } *** ~< }} ~*} **}** *** }}} } }}~ ~ ~} *~ ~***<* ~~< }} * * *}* ~ ~ * *}} }}} }} ~ * } ~< < < ~}}}}*~ ***** <<* }~ ~} }<< ~<< < ~} * ~}} }} *}}~**}}} <~ }** * <* **** *~* }} * }}} < }*}< ~* ~ } }* }} }* } * ~< * ~ } } }**} ~*~* *}}*}}}}}}<< < *< * * }} }} } }*}*<*<< }<~ ** < ~<} } <}} ~*** <*}<}}}*}**~ *** ~ * ~ }} *}}*}*<}*~ *~ * < * ~~<* *}<* *~~* *}****<< } }~* ~~* ~ *}} <*}<}*<<* < }* }} ~~ } } *<~*<**<*~<< <~ ~ <<} <}< < ~ ~ }}~ }* <** ****< *~ <*<<}*< } }}}* *~ < <<<*<<< ~ *}*} <~~} *< < ~~ *< } ~<* <****< < *~ ~~~~ } ~<~ < * < < }* }}}* * * ~<**<<~ ~ ***}*< * < ~ ~ * }}*} ~~< ~<<<~~ <~ } }~ } <* } ~ ***<< < ~ * ~~<<~~ ~<}*< < }<~}< ~~ ~ <}} < **~* ~<< ~~<<*~~ << << < * * ~~* ~ } ~ ~ < ~~~~ ~ ~ }}} } * ~~ < *} < * <<~~* ~~<< ~< < } <} } ~* } } * * } < ~<* ~~ ~~~ <<* *< ~ <**} ~ ~<}}< *} * <*~* << ~ ~~ ~ < ~ *<**** ~ *< * * ~ * <~ ~ ~<~ < <*** * ~ ~ ~ ~ <* ~ ~ ~ < } } < }* * < <~~} ~ ~<<~ ~ ~ ~ ~<*****}* ~ ~ <} } <* ~ ~**} ~ * <} < } } } < } **} ~ ~<~~ ~~<< < < }***}< ~~~ ~ ~ ~}<} ** <*}}} }*} * * } } }< * * }}*< < ~<<< ~ ~~~ ~ ~ }* *}} ~ ~~ ~~ ~ << **~ ** ~~~***< ~ ~*** ** < <~~<<<< ~~~~ ~*}* ** ~~ ~~~~ ~ ~~ ~~< ~ ~<<~<<~ ~ < ~ <<}} * }}<} } < } } ~ * ~ * **< *} <~ <~<~<<<~~~ ~~~~ *}**}} } ~ ~~ ~~~~~~~< <<~~ ~~ <*} ~ ~ ~ ~ < ~ ~ < } < < } ~~<<* <<~ <~~~~~<~~~ ~~~ ~~ * }*} * ~~~~~ ~< ~<<*} ~ ~~ ~ < ~~ < } ~* < * < < ~ ~~~~~~<~~ ~~~~~ ~ * }* ~ ~~~~~~~~ <<~~~<<*~~ ~~~

j V UU Uo jo V U oV V jV U VU V o UV Uo j U U j jVU U UU V jVUU UV Vj UV Vj j U Uj oVU UV VU o j VU joVUUUU U UVV U o joVVU Vj oo jj Uj joVU UUVj j jojV jVVUUUU UVUU UUo UVVU Uoj j jV UUV U o oVoV U V UUU VjjjooUUU UUUUUV VU V Uo U UV V o V jVU Uj VU Uoj UV j VV j VU VoVV UVjV UU V o o U Vo joV V oVUj oo jjU Uo j oUU Ujj j V U UUj j o oo j jVU j V VjVVVUUVo U o o oU UUU UU jUjo VU UojjjoU o jj j joUUU oVo j U j oV V j j Uj jooVoV Uj V U joV UU U j oV VooooooooVVU Uoj V o V V joUj jjoV ooVo o oU UUVoooooooojj o U VooooVU j U jjooooVVVojjooj j jjj U Vooooj j j j U UUVj j j UoooooooVVooj j V jj jo j j j o UVVoVUU j jj ooj VoooooVU o jjjj jj jjjj V oj jj jjjjjjjj j o joj jjjj jj jjo ojjojjjoojjj Vo V U oo j jjjjj o j jjjj j o j jojo joj j j jj o V jooo j j oo j o j j j o U j j j jj V V j jj jVj joooo j V jjjjj j oj V jj jjj V UUV jj j U V jjj j jo j jj U j VUV o jU j VU o oU V o V Uj jj V j V o V o o jo V j j U jj oVj jj o Uj j j jj o o U oo j VVo j j jo j jo j j j U U o U UVjU o jV U VU V VV VUoj V U o U U o UU o VV U oU U o UV o V V o U j jj o o U V o j V UUoooV VU o o UV UU U j U oo U U jjj j jjo V o o j o j o j j j jj o V jj UV o o V Voo j V j j U o oU jj o jU UjVVo Uo V U oj U jUojj U U V jjj oU j

WWWW&MKWWW& WW &W KWWWMMW&WWWM &&MWWWMKWW& WWWWM WWW KMW& KWWWK MMMMK K M& KWWK &MM MK MM& &MWMK &M W & MW& WW& MWWW M K KWWWWM& KMK K W& WWWWWM&W WWWM&KMWW WWWWWWWW KWWWWWWWK MWWW WWWW WWWM WWWW M& &K KWWW WWW & &W& M&K&W WK MWW WWWM WWM WWW KW W &&KK &M K M M K K &MKW KWW KW & K WWK & W W&M&WKW W W&M W MM&&WW MWW KWWKM W M W W K K K K &WWWW WWWWWK WWWWWWW WWWWWWW MMWWWWWW &M&WWWWWM KKKKWWWKK& WWK & K KWWK WMMMWMMK K &WWWWMWMWWWM WWWW&WKWWWWM

,,. , : . ,, .,:, .. : : :: : , . .: . , :: : , , : :: :,:.,,:,. . ., :: , : ,.:: , ,: : :: : , , , : : , , . , ,,,,, :: ,:, . :, , ., : ,, : . , , : , :: : , : ,: : : , . : , . : :: : : : : , : : . , : : : , : , . . , . , : ::, : :: . , .. : :: :: : :: . : ...,,,:.,,, ,,..... .....,,,,,.. ,,.:,,,.,: :,.........,,.,,:,,.. .....,,,., ,.. .,,,. ..,,.,:::,. ,.,,..,,.: . ., ,.. .,,.,:,:,, ......,,... ,. : ,..,,::::: ,.,,.:,,.. . , : ,.,.,,,,, : ,.,...,,,. : :,:,:::, , ,......,.. . , ,,,,::: , ..,,,,.,... : . :::,:: , ........., , , :,,,,. ...,,..,: :: :,:,, , ....... ::,:. , ......: ::: ,::, . . ..,.., ,., :,,.. , ..., ,,:: :::,, , , ,..: . .:,:,, , .. ... : , , ... ., : ::,: , ,,,, :: : .: : : :::, ::: :

~< < *<* * } <~~ ~ } * * } * * < << ~ ~ ~<*}~ <* ~*} ~***< } ~ } <* < <<**<<*} } <<~<<*< ~ ~ } <} } }} }}}<} } < < ~ } } ~ } ~} }} ~~ *< } } }<< ~ ~* } < ~ < <** < * } <* ~ <}<} }~ *< }*<}~* * < < * ~< }**~ < ~}*<} }}}}~ * **}< <}~ *<**~~ } ~ << } <<*}< * * ~ }* <~<*~ < ~*~ }* <~<* <~<< <* <<~ * * } }< } } * *~~*~ ~* } < }~<*~~* << <~~*<~<*<~ } <<~<<<~}<* <}* <~< * } * } } * < < * <**<~*<<< ~****< ~<* ~ ~* <~<*} * }* * ~<* * <<< * ****~**< <*} * <**}< ~<<* <~<*} * **}~ } ****<~** * }<<< ~**** *<<*} }* * ~*}}~ *~*****<** * }~ }**< <*<*} ~ ~~~~~ * ~~~~ ~~~~ ~ ~ ~~~~~ ~ * } ~ ~~ ~~~ < < < <*< * ~}} } <*~ ~ *< }}~ < * * } * *} } * } *}~ <} * }*}~ }* }*~ * ~ ~}} < ~ * * ~* *}< } < < < <} *} *~ } ~~~*} } * ~*~ ~ < < << < ~*~ } }* ~ ~ ** ~ ~*< } ~ ~**~ * ~

V j o j UV V o UU UV V o jU j Uo jV V o o UU V j U oo j UVoU j j jVU V V o o U o j jj jjjjj UVoo j UUVVVUUU o ooVUojjo oj jjjjjj U U o jjjj j V j o oo jj U j ojoj j o j j o V j jj oo U V o jo j j j V o oU j j j j j oU V U oU o U VjUU U j j oj o o o o o ojVU o Ujo V jVV o ojjjj jU o jj o jV oV U V U U U V U ojj oo o U V j U VU j jj j j j jV j V U j U o o j V U j jo j jU o j ojoU VU oV o U j oo o

Related People