“Bloody Mary, full of vodka, blessed are you among cocktails. Pray for me now, at the hour of my death... which I hope is soon. Amen.”Tagged: Drinking, Hungover
“Anka: I'm from Germany, where the age of consent is 14. Archer: What is it, the Alabama of Europe?”Tagged: Germany, Consent, Sex, Alabama
“Cyril: Besides, I'm sure it's not the first time you've kept a secret from Lana. Archer: Uh hello! Herpes?!”Tagged: Secret, Herpes, Not The First Time
“Archer: [After being distracted by Lana in her underwear] Right, because you walked into Strippers Discount Warehouse and said, 'Help me showcase my intellect'! Lana: Strippers Discount? Hel-LO! These-are-Fiacchi! Archer: I think it's pronounced, 'Knock-off!'”Tagged: stripper, Knock-off, Intellect, Underwear, Showcase
“I didn't invent the turtleneck, Lana. But I was the first to see its potential as a tactical garment. The Tactical Turtleneck, Lana. The... Tactleneck!”Tagged: Turtleneck, Potential, Garment, Tactical, invention
“That's just great. She gets dinner and Dixieland and laid. And I get mosquitoes and no beer and... not laid. How could this get any... [alligator surfaces and growls] LET ME FINISH... worse. You ruined it. You ruined the moment.”Tagged: Dinner, Laid, Sex, Worse, moment
“Archer: Name the douchebag who's in charge! Mobster: Vincent... Van Go-fuck-yourself. Archer: Vincent Van Go-fuck-myself. Survey says!”Tagged: douchebag, Vincent Van Gogh, Diss, Sassy
“Lana: That since we are going to die tomorrow, we should have sex. Archer: Are you kidding? After seeing a tiger get murdered? Lana, I'm not in the mood! ...I mean, if you want to, I can watch while you masturbate, but just so you know, my heart's not going to be into it. It's going to be with that…”Tagged: Sex, Death, Tiger, Murder, masturbate
“No, forget the glass Woodhouse, just give me the pitcher. For I am a sinner in the hands of an angry God. Bloody Mary, full of vodka, blessed are you among cocktails. Pray for me now and at the hour of my death, which I hope is soon. Amen.”Tagged: Hungover, Death, Awful, Alcohol
“Sour mix? In a margarita? What is this, Auschwitz?”Tagged: Sour Mix, Margarita, Wrong Mix, Gross, Torture
“Archer: Thank you... What was your name again? Rodney: Rodney. Archer: Thank you. Asshole.”Tagged: Rude, asshole, Sassy
“Malory: And what the hell are you wearing? Archer: I think, technically, it's a... loincloth? Fashioned out of a baby-doll nightie. [Malory lifts a finger to say something, then lets out a sigh] Well, sorry, Mother. I didn't know I was going to a funeral. I would've worn a black one.”Tagged: Loincloth, Nightie, funeral, Black
“Cyril: How do you not know the different kinds of porn? Archer: Because I have sex with actual women, Cyril! My girlfriend's not equal parts the Internet, a tube of Kentucky jelly, self-loathing, and a sock.”Tagged: Porn, Different Types Of Porn, Women, Sex, Internet
“Cyril: What do crocodiles eat? Archer: EVERYTHING! THEY EAT EVERYTHING! And fear is their bacon bits!”Tagged: Crocodiles, food, Fear
“Poovey: I can never unsee him naked. Archer: I mean, the size of that thing. Poovey: Haul that big bastard out and you can use it as an umbrella stand.”Tagged: Naked, penis, Huge, Umbrella Stand