Quotes tagged ‘Funny’

(562 total)

“Pie, it just fills the cracks of the heart... go away pain.”

“I was feeling so good about myself a second ago.”

“I feel like I'm in season 5 of my life and the writers are just making ridiculous.”

“When someone asks you where you see yourself in 5 years and you're like buddy... I'm just trying to make it to Friday.”

“Why does Snoop Dogg carry an umbrella? Fo’ drizzle.”

“I started a band called 999 Megabytes — we haven’t gotten a gig yet.”

“I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.”

“What’s the best part about living in Switzerland? Not sure, but the flag is a big plus.”

“The Babbage, or the Babby, as America will come to call it, is a mini fridge in the shape of a black turtleneck.”

“What did the cop say to his stomach? Stop! I’ve got you under a vest!”

“Why doesn’t anyone want to shave a crazy sheep? Cause it’s a baaaaaaaaaad idea.”

“What do ants get when they do all their chores? An allow-ants.”

“Why are frogs are so happy? They eat whatever bugs them.”

“What kind of music to chiropractors listen to? Mostly hip-pop”

“Why do the French eat snails? Because they don’t like fast food!”

“What did 50 Cent say on National Ice Cream Day? Go shawty, it’s sherbert day!”

“What do you call friends you meet at culinary school? Taste buds!”

“What’s Adele’s favorite dessert? Jello from the other side!”

“How do you get Pikachu on a bus? Poke him on.”

“Why can't you trust a burrito? Cause it will spill the beans.”