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Quotes tagged ‘humor’

(1220 total)

There’s not a lot that a good poop can’t solve.

Everything that exists is born for no reason, carries on living through weakness, and dies by accident.

I used to think anyone doing anything weird was weird. Now I know that it is the people that call others weird that are weird.

— Paul McCartney, en.wikiquote.org

My wish for you is that you continue. Continue to be who and how you are, to astonish a mean world with your acts of kindness. Continue to allow humor to lighten the burden of your tender heart.

— Maya Angelou, amazon.com

It has been wisely said that we cannot really love anybody at whom we never laugh.

— Agnes Repplier, amazon.com

Try to find someone with a sense of humor. That’s an important thing to have because when you get into an argument, one of the best ways to diffuse it is to be funny. You don’t want to hide away from a point, because some points are serious, but you’d rather have a discussion that was a discussion,…

— Ed Sheeran, glamour.com

Everyone, at some point in their lives, wakes up in the middle of the night with the feeling that they are all alone in the world, and that nobody loves them now and that nobody will ever love them, and that they will never have a decent night’s sleep again and will spend their lives wandering blear…

— Lemony Snicket, amazon.com

I think of myself as an intelligent, sensitive human being with the soul of a clown which always forces me to blow it at the most important moments.

— Jim Morrison, youtube.com

I love being in cities with lots of other people, because I’m reminded that there are billions of people like me, and we are each stuck inside of our minds, feverishly trying to crawl out to make connections with other people.

— John Green, youtube.com

I love hotel rooms with two beds: one for me and one for my delivered pizzas.

— Alissa Nutting, grubstreet.com

I’m not confused. I’m just well mixed.

— Robert Frost, amazon.com

To avoid criticism say nothing, do nothing, be nothing.

— Elbert Hubbard, amazon.com

There are two kinds of people in this world: those who believe there are two kinds of people in this world and those who are smart enough to know better.

— Tom Robbins, amazon.com

I can’t think about that right now. If I do, I’ll go crazy. I’ll think about that tomorrow.

— Margaret Mitchell, amazon.com

Shortly before entering the Senate early Friday, John McCain promised a show. Then, he delivered.

— CNN, twitter.com

I will love you if I never see you again, and I will love you if I see you every Tuesday.

— Lemony Snicket, amazon.com

You're only given a little spark of madness. If you lose that, you're nothing.

— Robin Williams, twitter.com

Sometimes a scream is better than a thesis.

— Ralph Waldo Emerson, amazon.com

Super dire times call for super cool measures.

— Disney•Pixar, twitter.com

There is a theory which states that if ever anyone discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable. There is another theory which states that this has already happened.

— Douglas Adams, amazon.com

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