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Gil Ozeri

16 quotes

All Sassy (2)upset (2)Beautiful (1)fondly (1)Pringles (1)tattle tale (1)spill (1)plug (1)orange soda (1)embarrassing (1)kids (1)Show-Pony (1)cereal (1)Tea leaves (1)beauty and the beast (1)

From “M.E. Time”

God, you must have been the worst fourth grader ever.

worst fourth grader upset tattle tale Sassy

Detectives, our monthly crime statistics are due. I want paperwork on all your closed cases by tomorrow. Scully, you can just write 'I didn't close any' on a piece of paper.

Detectives monthly crime Statistics paperwork Called Out

From “The Party”

Jake: Hello good sir, I would like your finest bottle of wine, please. Clerk: That will be $1,600. Jake: Great, I'd like your $8-Est bottle of wine, please.

finest bottle Wine Money cost

Aw, man. All the orange soda spilled out of my cereal.

orange soda cereal spill

Boyle: I bet it's really fancy. Like Beauty and the Beast fancy. Jake: No, it's probably just an empty white cube, with a USB port in it for him to plug his finger in when he's on sleep mode.

beauty and the beast fancy USB cubicle plug

From “The Pornscape”

I guess I should go to school, even though there's no porn there.

Porn And Puberty

I crave emotional intimacy. Because my parents have a no-touch policy with me. So I don't really feel human contact at all.

No-Touch Policy

You guys realize DNA is a hoax created by gay scientists, right?

Andrew: What, like a show about a bunch of kids masturbating? Nick: Isn't that technically child pornography? Maurice: Holy shit, I hope not! I mean, maybe if it's animated, we could get away with it. Right?

kids masturbating animated

Look, I know this all seems embarrassing right now but maybe one day, you'll look back on this time fondly and perhaps even make something beautiful out of it.

embarrassing fondly Beautiful

From “Poop Madness”

Clip-clop, I'm a little show pony.

Show-Pony Horse

I'm a person, not something to hide.

Person Standards

Read the tea leaves, honey!

Tea leaves Sassy

From “What Are You Gonna Do?”

So you can take your destiny and go fuck yourself.

Destiny angry upset

From “The Hookup House”

I came here to do two things. Eat some Pringles and get my body rocked.

goal Pringles Body Rock

From “F**ked Up Friday”

You know, Elliot, I've always acted like your softness was weakness, but now I'm beginning to understand your vulnerability is actually strength.

Weakness Vulnerable strength

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