“Think Moonlight meets Sex in the City but boiling over with all the tea.”— Justin Simien, Joelle Brooks, Ashley Blaine Featherson, imdb.com
“Martin: One minute it's just a blob in some lady's stomach, the next minute it's a person. Blob... Person. Frasier: The miracle of birth, summed up in one poetic phrase.”— Christopher Lloyd, Frasier Crane, Kelsey Grammer, imdb.com
“If you ever catch on fire, try to avoid seeing yourself in the mirror, because I bet that's what REALLY throws you into a panic.”— Jack Handy, great-quotes.com
“Peggy: Hey Al, did ya miss me? Al Bundy: With every bullet so far.”— Ron Leavitt, Al Bundy, Ed O'Neill, imdb.com
“I'll tell you what I'll do then. We'll stand you in front of a mirror, I'll begin strangling you. When you reach the shade of blue that's satisfactory to you, you yell 'Moo' and I'll stop.”— Wayne Kline, Al Bundy, Ed O'Neill, imdb.com
“Woman: Excuse me but am I invisible? Al Bundy: Possibly from Pluto.”— Richard Gurman, Al Bundy, Ed O'Neill, imdb.com
“Peggy: Uh.. honey. Why don't you just stay home and bowl me over? Al Bundy: But Peg, I prefer a place where my balls are returned properly.”— Richard Gurman, Al Bundy, Ed O'Neill, imdb.com
“Tobias: I'm looking for something that says, "Dad likes leather." Sales clerk: Something that says, "Leather daddy?"”— Mitchell Hurwitz, Brad Copeland, Tobias Fünke, David Cross, imdb.com
“What an adventure gang, I thought the homosexuals were pirates. But it turns out they were actors in the local theatre!”— Mitchell Hurwitz, Tobias Fünke, David Cross, imdb.com
“Tobias: Quick question though am I being panicked about the fire or am I being brave for everyone else? Casting director: The fire? It's a fire sale. Tobias: Oh my god, we're having a fire.... sale. Oh the burning, it burns me. Evacuate all the school children.”— Mitchell Hurwitz, Tobias Fünke, David Cross, imdb.com
“In this business of show, you have to have the heart of an angel and the hide of an elephant.”— Mitchell Hurwitz, Tobias Fünke, David Cross, imdb.com
“Shawn: You cannot sit here alone in the dark in a parked car. You'll get picked up for Mopery. Gus: Mopery? Shawn: With intent to creep. Trust me, you don't want that. It'll put a big hole in your future.”— Tim Meltreger, Shawn Spencer, James Roday, imdb.com
“How can you tell that someone's a compulsive liar? I mean, assuming that their pants aren't on fire.”— Victoria Walker, Saladin K. Patterson, Shawn Spencer, James Roday, imdb.com
“What isn't clear is why people always say 'goes without saying,' yet still feel compelled to say the thing that was supposed to go without saying. Doesn't that bother you?”— Saladin K. Patterson, Shawn Spencer, James Roday, imdb.com
“Look, there's this creepy janitor that lurks about. I want you to distract him while I grill Planetarium Girl.”— Steve Franks, Shawn Spencer, James Roday, imdb.com
“And that, ladies and gentlemen, is precisely why time travel is not only possible but may have already happened.”— Steve Franks, Shawn Spencer, James Roday, imdb.com
“Secondly, I've been having this recurring dream where I'm flying over Auckland on the back of a swan made primarily of cocoa. His name is Clem.”— Steve Franks, Shawn Spencer, James Roday, imdb.com
“There are over four... hundred stars in our galaxy, maybe more. No one knows for sure. Many have said that the universe is even larger than the Indian Ocean, and that is why it is called Infinitum Starioctopusium.”— Steve Franks, Shawn Spencer, James Roday, imdb.com