Quotes tagged ‘Sperm’

“Elle: For that matter, any masturbatory emissions, where the sperm is clearly not seeking an egg, could be termed reckless abandonment. Professor Callahan: You’ve just won your case.”

— Karen McCullah Lutz, Kirsten Smith, Elle Woods, Reese Witherspoon, imdb.com

“Q: What do a lawyer and sperm have in common? A: They both have a one in a million chance of being human.”

— Anonymous, www1.udel.edu

“Whillenholly: And might I add, that is one fine-looking boy you are raising. Jay: Hell yeah, that's because he's from my sperm. See, I knocked up this hot woman friend of ours that I fuck on the side so as to not be all the way gay, but my tubby husband here is 100% queer. He LOVES the cock.”

— Kevin Smith, Jay, Jason Mewes, imdb.com

“Hitchhiker: [explaining why he gives head for rides] Have you seen the price of bus tickets lately? There's no way I'm gonna cough up 200 bucks just to get to Chicago. Jay: Fuck that, I don't wanna cough up some dude's sperm. Hitchhiker: Don't be so suburban. It's the new millennium. Gay, straight..…”

— Kevin Smith, Jay, Jason Mewes, imdb.com

“Apparently my sperm shoots through the egg like bullets! Can you believe that?”

— Dan Harmon, Pierce Hawthorne, Chevy Chase, imdb.com

“Charlotte: We are having Trey's sperm tested. Miranda: Is it not doing well in school?”

— Michael Patrick King, Miranda Hobbes, Cynthia Nixon, imdb.com

“Whose sperm hit whose egg shouldn't determine who works here!”

— Carla Kettner, Temperance 'Bones' Brennan, Emily Deschanel, imdb.com

“You're you, J. Not whatever nasty sperm raped its way into your mom's eggs.”

— David Michod, Jonathan Lisco, Nicky, Molly Gordon, imdb.com

“The last time I was involved in sex, I was a sperm.”

— Unknown, amazon.com

“Why does it take a million sperm to fertilize one egg? They really are too damn proud to stop and ask for directions.”

— Unknown, tcat.tc

“She missed her period? Oh my god. I can't believe it! I'm a father! I did it! My boys can swim! I can do it! I can do it!”

— Elaine Pope, Larry Charles, George Costanza, Jason Alexander, imdb.com

“Sperm banks are like torrents they both want your seed.”

— Sabaras, reddit.com

“A single sperm has 37.5 MB of DNA information in it. That means an average ejaculation represents a data transfer of 1587.5 TB That's a lot of information to swallow”

— shsourov, reddit.com

“Do you know why it takes one sperm out of a million to fertilize one egg? Because no man will stop and ask for directions...”

— chadywacker, reddit.com

“My friend asked me why I make so many sperm jokes. I said, "I don't know I guess they just come naturally to me.”

— Loaficious, reddit.com

“Sperm is ridiculously expensive: It’s about $700 a vial. I realized we’d spent $11,000 on sperm. I worked at a university at the time, surrounded by all these young men. I was just imagining that there was so much sperm around me, at all times of the day. All free! And I was going broke, buying thou…”

— Katie, thecut.com

“Between the heroin epidemic, the instant gratification culture of the Internet, and this, a Brave New World seems plausible now.”

— Joshua Grubbs, twitter.com

“Whenever you're feeling down, remember, you're the sperm that won.”

— Sex & Relationship, twitter.com

“[Gets into argument with girlfriend after sex.] Give me back my sperm.”

— Cat Damon, twitter.com