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[watching a Radiohead music video] Sometimes, if I have a boner that won't go down, I listen to this kind of music.

— Kristofor Brown, Mike Judge, Beavis, Mike Judge, Blackout!

Well, if he really likes you, it won't matter what you wear.

— Lisa McGee, Ma Mary Quinn, Tara Lynne O'Neill, The Prom

[Beavis and Butt-head are pitching a show idea to Mr. Van Driessen] Mr. Van Driessen: Now, I'm sure you have a fantastic concept. I'm going to close my eyes, and I want you to wow me. Butt-head: ...Uh, is that allowed on school property?

— Kristofor Brown, Joe Stillman, Bo Weinberg, Butt-head, Mike Judge, Late Night with Butt-head

[watching a Morrissey music video] Get off the ground and stop whining, you wuss!

— Kristofor Brown, Mike Judge, Butt-head, Mike Judge, Blackout!

I'm gonna get a tattoo of a butt!

— Glenn Eichler, Butt-head, Mike Judge, Most Wanted

Voice on T.V. Ad: [on T.V.] Imagine yourself, your own finger, luxuriously touched with the new karat gold Cubic Zerconium. Beavis: [on the phone] hello, yeah, I'd like to order one of those... Pubic... Zercroniums.

— David X. Cohen, Beavis, Mike Judge, Plate Frisbee

Beavis: I hope there's a human head inside! Butt-head: Yeah. Or maybe a human butt.

— Kristofor Brown, Beavis & Butthead, Mike Judge, Ball Breakers

[while watching the video to Bananarama's "Venus] These chicks should marry GWAR.

— Bo Weinberg, Butt-head, Mike Judge, Beavis and Butt-head Meet God

Beavis: Hey, where's the TV? God: TV is the devil's tool. Butt-Head: Yeah, where is it?

— Bo Weinberg, Beavis & Butthead, Mike Judge, Beavis and Butt-head Meet God

This bowling ball isn't human! It doesn't feel pain! It can't be reasoned with!

— Kristofor Brown, Butt-head, Mike Judge, Ball Breakers

Y'know, like, this band sucks. But it's like, they suck like, in new ways, y'know. Like, they suck in ways we haven't, like, seen stuff suck before.

— Kristofor Brown, Butt-head, Mike Judge, Ball Breakers

Well, this prom is going to be a full-blown dick-fest.

— Lisa McGee, Michelle Mallon, Jamie Lee O'Donnell, The Prom

Prom flown-blown Bad

Feel free to kiss my hole.

— Lisa McGee, Michelle Mallon, Jamie Lee O'Donnell, The Prom

kiss Hole Sassy

Everybody thinks babies are cute. Well they're not so cute when they are yours, I'll tell you that right now! Crapping and puking all over you! They cost a damn fortune to feed and all they do is make your life a misery, just like what you're doing to your parents right now!

— Glenn Eichler, Coach Buzzcut, Mike Judge, Baby Makes Uh, Three

[while watching a KISS video] You know, these guys are pretty cool for a bunch of mimes.

— Glenn Eichler, Butt-head, Mike Judge, The Butt-Head Experience

Earrings like that don't deserve to be buried alive. It's a sin.

— Lisa McGee, Aunt Sarah, Kathy Kiera Clarke, The Curse

earrings Buried alive Sin

[watching the video for 'Hangin' Tough' by New Kids on the Block] Butt-Head: This video needs, like, more explosions and close-ups of butts. Beavis: Yeah. They should have somebody come out and start kicking these guys. That would be cool.

— Glenn Eichler, Beavis & Butthead, Mike Judge, Sick

[watching the video for 'Dancing with Myself' by Billy Idol] This guy does everything by himself.

— Glenn Eichler, Beavis, Mike Judge, Sick

What are you all doing? Choking your chicken? Come on let's get to pruning.

— Jim Turner, Glenn Eichler, David Felton, Tom Anderson, Mike Judge, Lawn & Garden

David Van Driessen: Okay, class, today we're going to explore the world of haiku. Butt-Head: We're gonna explore the world of getting high? Cool!

— Glenn Eichler, Butt-head & David Van Driessen, Mike Judge, For Better or Verse

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