Anonymous

449 quotes

“A guy got out and banged on my windows wearing a horror clown mask.Terrified is an understatement.”

“I fell in love with the world in you.”

“I am mortified with my behavior, yet I find myself unable to stop.”

“I remember when I bit my mom really hard, and she was bleeding and crying. I remember feeling so happy, so overjoyed.”

“What did the right eye say to the left eye. Between you and me, something smells.”

“I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with but I can't stop tripping.”

“Q: What is E.T. short for? A: He has really small legs.”

“Q: Did you hear that the Pope has avian flu? A: He got it from one of the cardinals.”

“A hamburger walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender says, ‘Sorry, we don't serve food here.’”

“Q: What do you call a nun in a wheelchair? A: Virgin mobile.”

“Q: How does Jesus make his coffee? A: Hebrews it.”

“Q: What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo? A: One is really heavy, the other’s a little lighter.”

“Q: Why does Humpty Dumpty love autumn? A: Because Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.”

“Q: What happens to a frog's car when it breaks down? A: It gets toad away.”

“Q: What has more lives than a cat? A: A frog because it croaks every night.”

“Q: If you have 13 apples in one hand and 10 oranges in the other, what do you have? A: Big hands.”

“Q: What's the difference between a guitar and a fish? A: You can tune a guitar, but you can't tuna fish.”

“Q: Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? A: It's okay. He woke up.”

“Q: How do you find Will Smith in the snow? A: You look for the fresh prints.”

“Q: Why did the witches' team lose the baseball game? A: Their bats flew away.”