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Ariel Shaffir

32 quotes

All Fuck (3)Cannibalism (2)Threats (2)Baked (1)truth telling (1)Murder (1)jackrabbit (1)Living Nightmare (1)Kill (1)fix it (1)maltitol (1)crazy shit (1)come at me (1)nonperishable (1)Emasculation (1)

From “Sausage Party”

[Camille Toh takes the Potato] Potato: Oh, yes! Yes! I'm the first to enter eternity! Carl: Potato, way to go, buddy! That's my guy! Potato: [being washed] Being bathed by the hands of a God!

Eternity God

Jamaican Rum: Hey, bun! Welcome to the aisle! Want to dance? Brenda: No thank you, man. I'm quite irie, just being left alone over here, don't you know?

irie Dancing

Douche: Come at me, bro. Frank: Come at you? What does that mean? Douche: Fine. You won't come at me? Well, then guess who's coming at you?...ME! [Douche prepares to attack Frank]

come at me

[while having sex with his newfound mate] I'm filling you! I'm filling you! I'm blowing my fuckin' load!

Sex blowing a load

[sees the bag that Douche was in is empty] Shit, I really needed that douche.

Douche

Before us, everyone knew the awful truth. [flashbacks] Ohhhh, how they screamed. It was a living nightmare. So, we the Non-Perishables created a story, the story of the Great Beyond. A place where the Gods care for you, and all your wildest and wettest dreams would come true. They would go out those…

Living Nightmare nonperishable

Carl: [after being insulted by Brenda] Dude, um, how do I say this to you gently? But your girlfriend, um…she's a fucking cunt. Frank: Shut up! She's fresh as fuck, and you know it. Carl: Dude, I just don't why you're limiting yourself to one bun. There's plenty of buns out there. Frank: Because I…

insults Cunt bunogamy

Firewater: The melody came to me one night when I was getting super, super, SUPER baked. Like fuck-a-guy, baked. You know what I'm saying? [Frank shakes his head no] Yeah, he does. The song had a great hook and it caught on, I mean, you know... In time, everyone accepted this false truth. But over…

Distraction devoured Fuck Extermination juiceicide

Douche: Yo! Oh fuck yeah, dude! Somebody call a doctor, ‘cause honestly, this beat is sick! Beet: Actually, I feel great, real healthy. Douche: Not you.

call a doctor

We blaze for real 24/7, no joke, but we also know our shit.

blazing Weed 420 Shit

It's better to die a free candy than to live in bondage.

[about to be sliced in half] No! Please-a, no! I've got a famiglia!

Family

Drug Dealer: Hey, man. Be careful with this. Bath salts are the real deal. People been seeing some crazy shit. Druggie: [takes the bath salts] Awesome.

bath salts crazy shit

Barry: [as the food prepares to fire the drugged toothpicks] Make it rain. [the food shoots the toothpicks at all the people in the store] Darren: Ow! What the fuck? All right, who did it? Gary, did you just throw this fucking toothpick at me, man?

make it rain

Douche: What's up, little juicy box? You're leaking too, eh bro? And right out of your fucking dingle. Fucking sucks, right? Juice Box: Dying...so cold... Douche: [notices that the juice box is leaking, he gets an idea] Uh-oh. Light bulb. Light Bulb: Yes? Douche: No. Not fucking you, dummy.

Dummy Fuck

Douche: What part of 'I want the sausage and the bun dead, if you see them, come and get me. And if I found out that you didn't come and get me, or if you couldn't find them, I'll fucking kill your ass.' did you not understand, Tequila? Tequila: Uh, it's a pretty confusing sentence, to be honest.

Threats Kill Syntax

Frank: If what you're saying is true, I got to tell everyone! Firewater: Very noble, little sausage. But also, very pointless. No one will believe you. Frank: I have to try...Everyone will die otherwise. Firewater: Oh, yeah. That's a good point. Fuck me, right? Frank: Wait. Do you guys have any…

truth telling

They're ain't gods! They're monsters, horrible, ugly, disgusting monsters! They ain't gonna get Honey Mustard twice...FUCK YOU, GODS! I've got a date with oblivion.

gods monsters Fuck You Oblivion

Firewater: So, you have learned the terrible truth. Congratulations! Now keep it to yourself, or I'll slit your throat while you sleep. I swear to God. Honey Mustard: Oh my God! Did you guys just fucking hear that? Ketchup: What? What are you looking at? [sees Firewater has vanished] He's gone.…

don't touch me Threats

[explaining why the druggie can no longer see them alive] The human is no longer aware of the fourth dimension….The effects of the opiate have dissipated. Your speech and movements are imperceptible to him….We are totally fucked.

Opiates fourth dimension

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