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Jerry Seinfeld

496 quotesTelevision Actor · Born Apr 29, 1954 · United States Of America · Male

Jerome Allen "Jerry" Seinfeld (born April 29, 1954) is an American comedian, actor, writer, producer, and director. He is known for playing a semifictional version of himself in the sitcom Seinfeld, which he created and wrote with Larry David. Seinfeld was heavily involved in the Bee Movie, in which he voiced its protagonist. In 2010, he premiered a reality series called The Marriage Ref. He directed Colin Quinn in the Broadway show Long Story Short at the Helen Hayes Theater, which ran until January 2011. He is the creator and host of the web series Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee. In his stand-up comedy career, Seinfeld is known for specializing in observational comedy, often ranting about relationships and embarrassing social situations. In 2005, Comedy Central named Seinfeld their "12th Greatest Stand-up Comedian of All Time". 2Early life Seinfeld was born in Brooklyn, New York. His father Kalmen Seinfeld collected jokes he heard while serving in World War II. His mother, Betty (née Hosni; born 1914), is of Syrian-Jewish descent; her parents Selim and Salha Hosni were from Alepp

All Dating (29)Sex (23)Breakups (19)Men (15)Women (14)Nudity (14)comedy (12)Masculinity (12)Attraction (11)Relationships (11)body odor (8)Jokes (8)Death (8)Homophobia (7)Marriage (7)

From “The Stock Tip”

I'm not an investor. People always tell me, you should have your money working for you. I've decided I'll do the work. I'm gonna let the money relax.

Investing Stock Market

I'm not an investor. People always tell me, you should have your money working for you. I've decided I'll do the work. I'm gonna let the money relax.

Investing Stock Market

I'm not an investor. People always tell me, you should have your money working for you. I've decided I'll do the work. I'm gonna let the money relax.

Investing Stock Market

From “The Pie”

Well, Poppie's a little sloppy.

hygiene Restaurant Inspections germs

Well, Poppie's a little sloppy.

hygiene Restaurant Inspections germs

This woman is bending my mind into a pretzel!

Pie mind games

This woman is bending my mind into a pretzel!

Pie mind games

From “The Ex-Girlfriend”

Women need to like the job of the guy they're with. If they don't like the job, they don't like the guy. Men know this. Which is why we make up the phony bogus names for the jobs that we have. ‘Well, right now, I'm the regional management supervisor.’ ‘I’m in development, research, consulting.’ Men,…

Attraction Men Women status

Women need to like the job of the guy they're with. If they don't like the job, they don't like the guy. Men know this. Which is why we make up the phony bogus names for the jobs that we have. ‘Well, right now, I'm the regional management supervisor.’ ‘I’m in development, research, consulting.’ Men,…

Attraction Men Women status

Women need to like the job of the guy they're with. If they don't like the job, they don't like the guy. Men know this. Which is why we make up the phony bogus names for the jobs that we have. ‘Well, right now, I'm the regional management supervisor.’ ‘I’m in development, research, consulting.’ Men,…

Attraction Men Women status

I can't be with someone if I don't respect what they do.

comedy Respect

What is this obsession people have with books? They put them in their houses—like they're trophies. What do you need it for after you read it?

Books Reading

What is this obsession people have with books? They put them in their houses—like they're trophies. What do you need it for after you read it?

Books Reading

What is this obsession people have with books? They put them in their houses—like they're trophies. What do you need it for after you read it?

Books Reading

You should just do it like a Band-Aid. One motion! Right off!

Breakups

You should just do it like a Band-Aid. One motion! Right off!

Breakups

You should just do it like a Band-Aid. One motion! Right off!

Breakups

Books, books, I need my books. Have you re-read those books yet, by the way? You know the great thing? When you read ‘Moby Dick’ the second time, Ahab and the whale become good friends.

Reading Hoarding Moby Dick

Books, books, I need my books. Have you re-read those books yet, by the way? You know the great thing? When you read ‘Moby Dick’ the second time, Ahab and the whale become good friends.

Reading Hoarding Moby Dick

Books, books, I need my books. Have you re-read those books yet, by the way? You know the great thing? When you read ‘Moby Dick’ the second time, Ahab and the whale become good friends.

Reading Hoarding Moby Dick

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