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Jerry Seinfeld

496 quotesTelevision Actor · Born Apr 29, 1954 · United States Of America · Male

Jerome Allen "Jerry" Seinfeld (born April 29, 1954) is an American comedian, actor, writer, producer, and director. He is known for playing a semifictional version of himself in the sitcom Seinfeld, which he created and wrote with Larry David. Seinfeld was heavily involved in the Bee Movie, in which he voiced its protagonist. In 2010, he premiered a reality series called The Marriage Ref. He directed Colin Quinn in the Broadway show Long Story Short at the Helen Hayes Theater, which ran until January 2011. He is the creator and host of the web series Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee. In his stand-up comedy career, Seinfeld is known for specializing in observational comedy, often ranting about relationships and embarrassing social situations. In 2005, Comedy Central named Seinfeld their "12th Greatest Stand-up Comedian of All Time". 2Early life Seinfeld was born in Brooklyn, New York. His father Kalmen Seinfeld collected jokes he heard while serving in World War II. His mother, Betty (née Hosni; born 1914), is of Syrian-Jewish descent; her parents Selim and Salha Hosni were from Alepp

All Dating (29)Sex (23)Breakups (19)Men (15)Women (14)Nudity (14)comedy (12)Masculinity (12)Attraction (11)Relationships (11)body odor (8)Jokes (8)Death (8)Homophobia (7)Marriage (7)

From “The Engagement”

And you broke up with her 'cuz she beat you at chess? That's pretty sick.

Breakups Chess

And you broke up with her 'cuz she beat you at chess? That's pretty sick.

Breakups Chess

From “The Stakeout”

Y'know I think that even if you've had a relationship with someone, or let's say, especially if you've had a relationship with someone and you try to become friends afterwards, it's very difficult. Isn't this? It's hard. Because, you know each other so well, you know all of each other's tricks. It's…

Dating Breakups Staying Friends friendzone Relationships

Y'know I think that even if you've had a relationship with someone, or let's say, especially if you've had a relationship with someone and you try to become friends afterwards, it's very difficult. Isn't this? It's hard. Because, you know each other so well, you know all of each other's tricks. It's…

Dating Breakups Staying Friends friendzone Relationships

Y'know I think that even if you've had a relationship with someone, or let's say, especially if you've had a relationship with someone and you try to become friends afterwards, it's very difficult. Isn't this? It's hard. Because, you know each other so well, you know all of each other's tricks. It's…

Dating Breakups Staying Friends friendzone Relationships

From “The Ex-Girlfriend”

You should just do it like a Band-Aid. One motion! Right off!

Breakups

You should just do it like a Band-Aid. One motion! Right off!

Breakups

You should just do it like a Band-Aid. One motion! Right off!

Breakups

From “The Sniffing Accountant”

Jake: Well, maybe I don’t use my exclamation points as haphazardly as you do. Elaine: You don’t think that someone having a baby warrants an exclamation point. Jake: Hey look, I just chalked down the message. I didn’t know I was required to capture the mood of each caller. Elaine: I just thought you…

Exclamation Points Breakups arguments Grammar Nazis

From “The Postponement”

You didn't have makeup sex? How could you not have makeup sex? I mean that's the best feature of the heavy relationship.

Breakups arguments Sex Makeup Sex Relationshps

You didn't have makeup sex? How could you not have makeup sex? I mean that's the best feature of the heavy relationship.

Breakups arguments Sex Makeup Sex Relationshps

It's very difficult. Few men have the constitution for it. That's why breakups take two or three tries. You gotta build up your immunity.

Breakups Immunity

It's very difficult. Few men have the constitution for it. That's why breakups take two or three tries. You gotta build up your immunity.

Breakups Immunity

From “The Wait Out”

Well, I just want you to know I'm there for you. Course now I'm here for you, but when I'm not here for you, I'm there for you.

There For You manipulation Emotional Support Breakups

Well, I just want you to know I'm there for you. Course now I'm here for you, but when I'm not here for you, I'm there for you.

There For You manipulation Emotional Support Breakups

From “The Voice”

Elaine, breaking up is like knocking over a Coke machine. You can’t do it in one push; you got to rock it back and forth a few times, and then it goes over.

Breakups Coke Machines

Elaine, breaking up is like knocking over a Coke machine. You can’t do it in one push; you got to rock it back and forth a few times, and then it goes over.

Breakups Coke Machines

From “The Apology”

We couldn't carry on a conversation. I kept trying to picture her naked, she kept trying to not picture me naked.

Nudity Breakups

We couldn't carry on a conversation. I kept trying to picture her naked, she kept trying to not picture me naked.

Nudity Breakups

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