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Jerry Seinfeld

496 quotesTelevision Actor · Born Apr 29, 1954 · United States Of America · Male

Jerome Allen "Jerry" Seinfeld (born April 29, 1954) is an American comedian, actor, writer, producer, and director. He is known for playing a semifictional version of himself in the sitcom Seinfeld, which he created and wrote with Larry David. Seinfeld was heavily involved in the Bee Movie, in which he voiced its protagonist. In 2010, he premiered a reality series called The Marriage Ref. He directed Colin Quinn in the Broadway show Long Story Short at the Helen Hayes Theater, which ran until January 2011. He is the creator and host of the web series Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee. In his stand-up comedy career, Seinfeld is known for specializing in observational comedy, often ranting about relationships and embarrassing social situations. In 2005, Comedy Central named Seinfeld their "12th Greatest Stand-up Comedian of All Time". 2Early life Seinfeld was born in Brooklyn, New York. His father Kalmen Seinfeld collected jokes he heard while serving in World War II. His mother, Betty (née Hosni; born 1914), is of Syrian-Jewish descent; her parents Selim and Salha Hosni were from Alepp

All Dating (29)Sex (23)Breakups (19)Men (15)Women (14)Nudity (14)comedy (12)Masculinity (12)Relationships (11)Attraction (11)body odor (8)Jokes (8)Death (8)Homophobia (7)Marriage (7)

From “13 Funny Father's Day Quotes | Reader's Digest”

You can tell what was the best year of your father's life, because they seem to freeze that clothing style and ride it out.

I Love You Dad Fatherhood Nostalgia Dads Love

From “46 Celebrity Sex Quotes For A Racy Valentine's Day”

To men, sex is an emergency, and no matter what we're doing we can be ready in two minutes. Women, on the other hand, are like fire. They're very exciting, but the conditions have to be exactly right for it to occur.

Sex Dating Relationships

From “The Engagement”

And you broke up with her 'cuz she beat you at chess? That's pretty sick.

Breakups Chess

And you broke up with her 'cuz she beat you at chess? That's pretty sick.

Breakups Chess

OUR LIVES! What kind of lives are these? We're like children. We're not men.

Immaturity Pointlessness Children Men Adulthood

OUR LIVES! What kind of lives are these? We're like children. We're not men.

Immaturity Pointlessness Children Men Adulthood

From “Jerry Seinfeld Interview”

It’s a long time to spend on something that means absolutely nothing. But that’s what I do, that’s what other people want me to do: is spend a lot of time wastefully. So that I can then waste their time.

comedy

From “Talking Funny”

All I had to do was do it once; really, success wasn’t my objective. It was just: I want to be one of those guys.

motivation Stand Up

From “The Pick”

That's the true spirit of Christmas; people being helped by people other than me.

Christmas Scrooge charity selfishness Thrift

That's the true spirit of Christmas; people being helped by people other than me.

Christmas Scrooge charity selfishness Thrift

From “The Seinfeld Chronicles”

George: She calls me up at my office. She says, ‘We have to talk.’ Jerry: Ugh. The four worst words in the English language. George: That or ‘Whose bra is this?’ Jerry: That’s worse.

We Have To Talk English Language

George: You’re gonna over-dry your laundry. Jerry: You can’t over-dry. George: Why not? Jerry: Same reason you can’t over-wet.

Laundry Over-Dry Over-Wet

George: You’re gonna over-dry your laundry. Jerry: You can’t over-dry. George: Why not? Jerry: Same reason you can’t over-wet.

Laundry Over-Dry Over-Wet

I swear, I have absolutely no idea what women are thinking. I don't get it, OK? I, I, I admit, I, I'm not getting the signals. I am not getting it! Women, they're so subtle, their little...everything they do is subtle...men are not subtle, we are obvious. Women know what men want, men know what men…

Men Women Dating Subtlety

I swear, I have absolutely no idea what women are thinking. I don't get it, OK? I, I, I admit, I, I'm not getting the signals. I am not getting it! Women, they're so subtle, their little...everything they do is subtle...men are not subtle, we are obvious. Women know what men want, men know what men…

Men Women Dating Subtlety

I swear, I have absolutely no idea what women are thinking. I don't get it, OK? I, I, I admit, I, I'm not getting the signals. I am not getting it! Women, they're so subtle, their little...everything they do is subtle...men are not subtle, we are obvious. Women know what men want, men know what men…

Men Women Dating Subtlety

The dating world is a world of pressure. Let's face it: a date is a job interview, that lasts all night. The only difference between a date and a job interview is: not many job interviews is there a chance you'll end up naked at the end of it.

Dating Job Interviews Nudity

The dating world is a world of pressure. Let's face it: a date is a job interview, that lasts all night. The only difference between a date and a job interview is: not many job interviews is there a chance you'll end up naked at the end of it.

Dating Job Interviews Nudity

Seems to me, that button is in the worst possible spot. [talking about George's shirt] The second button literally makes or breaks the shirt, look at it: it's too high! It's in no-man's-land, you look like you live with your mother.

Fashion Fashion Faux Pas

Seems to me, that button is in the worst possible spot. [talking about George's shirt] The second button literally makes or breaks the shirt, look at it: it's too high! It's in no-man's-land, you look like you live with your mother.

Fashion Fashion Faux Pas

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