In any case, I can’t risk looking backwards. It’s always a bad idea.
Catalog
Paula Hawkins
Paula Fickes Hawkins (January 24, 1927 – December 4, 2009) was an American politician from Florida. To date, she is the only woman elected to the U.S. Senate from Florida. She was the first woman ever elected to the Senate from the South and the first in the country ever elected to a full Senate term without a family connection. 2Early years Hawkins was the eldest of three children born to Paul and Leone Fickes in Salt Lake City, Utah. Her father was Naval Chief Warrant Officer. In 1934, the family moved to Atlanta, Georgia, where her father taught at Georgia Tech. Her parents split when Paula was in high school, and Leone and the children returned to Utah. She finished high school at Richmond, Utah in 1944, then enrolled at Utah State University. Paula was hired to be the Athletic director's secretary and met her future husband. On September 5, 1947, Paula Fickes and Walter Eugene Hawkins were married and moved to Atlant
I can’t do this, I can’t just be a wife. I don’t understand how anyone does it—there is literally nothing to do but wait. Wait for a man to come home and love you. Either that or look around for something to distract you.
I have lost control over everything, even the places in my head.
There is a pile of clothing on the side of the train tracks.
She’s buried beneath a silver birch tree, down towards the old train tracks, her grave marked with a cairn.
And I’ve just got to let myself feel the pain, because if I don’t, if I keep numbing it, it’ll never really go away.
I did become sadder, and sadness gets boring after a while, for the sad person and for everyone around them.
I’m playing at real life instead of actually living it.
I want to drag knives over my skin, just to feel something other than shame, but I'm not even brave enough for that.
'When did you become so weak?’ I don’t know. I don’t know where that strength went, I don’t remember losing it. I think that over time it got chipped away, bit by bit, by life, by the living of it.
I have lost control over everything, even the places in my head.
Hollowness: that I understand. I'm starting to believe that there isn't anything you can do to fix it. That's what I've taken from the therapy sessions: the holes in your life are permanent. You have to grow around them, like tree roots around concrete; you mold yourself through the gaps.
I have lost control over everything, even the places in my head.
There’s nothing so painful, so corrosive, as suspicion.
I feel a rush of gratitude so strong, it feels almost like love.
The holes in your life are permanent. You have to grow around them, like tree roots around concrete; you mould yourself through the gaps.
I have lost control over everything, even the places in my head.
After everything he's been through he deserves to be happy, I will never begrudge him happiness, I only wish it could be with me.
Sometimes I feel like seeing if I can track down anybody from the old days, but then I think, what would I talk to them about now?
The more I go over it, the less sense it makes, and I can’t stop going over it.