First of all, don’t ever start a sentence with, ‘If I were a black father.' If you are a black father, you don’t need to say it and if you aren’t, you should probably just shut the fuck up.
Catalog
Seth Meyers
Seth Adam Meyers (born December 28, 1973) is an American comedian, writer, producer, political commentator, actor, media critic, and television host. He hosts Late Night with Seth Meyers, a late-night talk show that airs on NBC. Prior to that, he was a head writer for NBC's Saturday Night Live (2001–2014) and hosted the show's news parody segment, Weekend Update. In 2008, Meyers appeared in the film, Journey to the Center of the Earth, hosted the 66th Primetime Emmy Awards in 2014 and voiced the character Jeremy "Prock" Awesome in The Awesomes (2013–2015). 2Early life and education Meyers was born in Evanston, Illinois, and was raised in Okemos, Michigan, from four to ten years of age, and Bedford, New Hampshire, after that. Meyers's mother, Hilary Claire (née Olson), was a French teacher, and his father, Laurence Meyers Jr., worked in finance. His younger brother is actor Josh Meyers. His paternal grandfather was Jewish; and, although Meyers has performed at several Jewish Community Centers, he does not consider himself Jewish. Meyers's other ancestry is Czech–Austrian (from his paternal grandmother), Swedish, English, and German. Meyers attended Edgewood Elementary in Okemos and later graduated from Manchester High School West in New Hampshire. He then attended and graduated from Northwestern University in Evanston, where he became a member of the fraternity Phi Gamma Delt
For the male nominees here tonight this is the first time in three months it won’t be terrifying to hear your name read out loud.
They tried to get a woman to host this show, they really did. They said, ‘Hey, how’d you like to come and be judged by some of the most powerful people in Hollywood?’ And they said, ‘Hm, where is it?’ And they said, ‘It’s at a hotel.’ Long story short, I’m your host tonight.
Good evening ladies and remaining gentlemen…
It’s 2018. Marijuana is finally allowed and sexual harassment finally isn’t, it’s gonna be a good year!
It may be that while many male psychopaths act in traditionally aggressive, socially-constructed ways which can eventually lead them to be incarcerated (and evaluated for psychopathy), female psychopaths operate in more nuanced, less overtly physically aggressive ways, though they can ultimately…
As a psychologist who conducts violence threat assessments, I see firsthand how females can show the same capacity for psychopathy that I have seen in males. The hallmarks—eerie detachment from emotion, lack of conscience or remorse, glibness, and comfort and pride in breaking with laws and social…
I don't like the country. Constricts my spirit.
She tore her MCL. Trying to chase a squirrel.
You got floor all in my lima beans.
Show business. They don't like women with opinions. And that's what happens.
This is a police sketch of Mom. Her top fell off while she was walking down the street and this mother and children, they gave descriptions of Mom to the police, and the guy did a wonderful job.
You can't read people the way I can!
What this is, is that I take sweatpants, and I wrap them around my head.
Um, this here is a skirt that I safety pin on. And if I want, I can make it a cape.