“[Shrek bursts into Fiona's and Farquaad's wedding] Now really, it's rude enough being alive when no one wants you, but showing up uninvited to a wedding?”Tagged: Rude, Uninvited, wedding crashing
“[to his knights] The winner of this tournament—no, no, the privilege—will have the honor of rescuing the beautiful Princess Fiona from the fiery pit of that dragon! Should the winner fail to return, the runner-up shall take his place, and so on and so forth... Some of you may die, but that is a…”Tagged: tournament, Winner, Dragon
“[Donkey keeps humming the 'Duloc' song] Shrek: All right, you're going the right way for a smacked bottom. Donkey: Sorry 'bout that.”Tagged: Singing, Annoying, spanking
“I'll find those stairs. I'll whip their butt, too. Those stairs won't know which way they're going...take drastic steps, kick it to the curb. Don't mess wit' me. I'm the Stair Master. I've mastered the stairs. I wish I had a step right here, right now, I'd step all over it...”Tagged: stairs, Threats, butt whipping
“Princess Fiona: [as ogre] Donkey, shh, shh. It's me... in this body. Donkey: [gasps] Oh, my God, you ate the princess!”Tagged: Cannibalism
“Donkey: Okay, let me get this straight: you gonna go fight a dragon and rescue a princess just so Farquaad'll give you back your swamp, which you only don't have 'cause he filled it full of freaks in the first place. Is that about right? Shrek: You know what? Maybe there's a good reason donkeys…”Tagged: insults, Anthropomorphism
“Donkey: [looks at a hovel] Whoa. Look at that. Who'd wanna live in a place like that? Shrek: That, would be my home. Donkey: Oh...and it is LOVELY! You know, you're really quite a decorator. It's amazing what you've done with such a modest budget. I like that boulder. That is a NICE boulder.”Tagged: Oops, insults, hovel, walking it back
“Donkey: So where is this fire-breathin' pain in the neck, anyway? Shrek: Inside, waiting for us to rescue her. Donkey: I was talkin' about the dragon, Shrek.”Tagged: Dragon, fire-breathing, pain in the neck
“Donkey: Hi, Princess! Princess Fiona: It talks! Shrek: Yeah, it's getting him to shut up that's the trick!”Tagged: Sick Burns, insults, talk, shut up
“[looking for a certain type of flower] Blue flower, red thorns. Blue flower, red thorns. Blue flower, red thorns. Man, this would be so much easier if I wasn't COLOR-BLIND!”Tagged: blue flower, red thorns, Color Blind
“We can stay up late, swapping manly stories, and in the morning, I'm making waffles!”Tagged: Sleepover, manly, Stories, Waffles
“[While looking at a very large castle] Do you think maybe he's compensating for something?”Tagged: Funny Moments, Best of Quotes, Movie Quotes
“Shrek: Ogres are like onions... Donkey: They stink? Shrek: Yes... No. Donkey: They make you cry? Shrek: Nooo!”Tagged: Funny Moments, Best of Quotes, Movie Quotes
“Shrek: I'm going to be a father, how did this happen? Puss: Allow me to explain. You see when a man loves a woman, a powerful urge sweeps over him. Shrek: I know how it happened!!”Tagged: Funny Moments, Best of Quotes, Movie Quotes