Book

Corn-Fed

: Cul-de-sacs, Keg Stands, and Coming of Age in the Midwest

“Corn-Fed” is a nostalgic romp through growing up in the Midwest. Poignant, humorous, and honest, “Corn-Fed” will take you from childhood overnight camp, to a first job at Dairy Queen, to the ultimate culmination of rich and debaucherous adult friendships

(9 total)

Characters

Melanie LaForce (9)

“Chicago is superior to cities such as Boston, which had no urban planning whatsoever and whose streets resemble a bowl of spaghetti. Being eaten by Satan.”

— Melanie LaForce, amazon.com

Tagged: Chicago, City, Boston, Urban Planning, spaghetti

“It is widely accepted in current times that newborn babies are a Cthulhu level of ugly.”

— Melanie LaForce, amazon.com

Tagged: Cthulhu, Mythology, Newborn Babies, babies, ugly

“Acknowledgement form a dude-object-of-desire is the brain chemical equivalent of snorting heroin while water-skiing with a litter of puppies.”

— Melanie LaForce, amazon.com

Tagged: Acknowledgement, Object of Desire, Brain Chemicals, Heroin, Water-Skiing

“Since I was very young, my mom has told me I have “champagne tastes.” This meant that I preferred the non-clearance clothing racks at KMart.”

— Melanie LaForce, amazon.com

Tagged: young, Childhood, champagne, humor, Bougie

“With any luck, you’ll find a good pack that will protect you, howl with you, and toss you a scrap of dead possum meat from the side of the road.”

— Melanie LaForce, amazon.com

Tagged: Luck, Protection, Wolf Pack, Howl, Possum

“On the Midwest: People call us the heart of America; we pride ourselves on being real, salt of the earth folks who help each other out, swap creamed corn recipes, have euchre tournaments, and debate good-naturedly over who makes the best deep dish pizza. (Seriously, only tourists eat that shit.)”

— Melanie LaForce, amazon.com

Tagged: Midwest, Heart of America, USA, Middle America, Pride

“The world currently expects us to look like a Kardashian-Jenner, with perfectly symmetrical facial features and the hip-waist ratio of a sexy flamingo.”

— Melanie LaForce, amazon.com

Tagged: Kardashians, Entertainment, Beauty Standards, Sexy, Flamingo

“After decades of practice, I have become a champion ruminator. There is no rational argument I cannot outworry. Someday, Individual Freestyle Worrying will become an Olympic sport and it will all pay off.”

— Melanie LaForce, amazon.com

Tagged: Pracitice, Decades, champion, Rumination, worry

“If I can put on my old lady hat for a moment, I will say that teens spend too much time on screens and not enough time making out behind Sbarro dumpsters. Oral herpes rates have dropped to a disturbing all-time low!”

— Melanie LaForce, amazon.com

Tagged: Old Lady, Teens, Screens, Technology, Gen Z