“Chicago is superior to cities such as Boston, which had no urban planning whatsoever and whose streets resemble a bowl of spaghetti. Being eaten by Satan.”Tagged: Chicago, City, Boston, Urban Planning, spaghetti
“It is widely accepted in current times that newborn babies are a Cthulhu level of ugly.”Tagged: Cthulhu, Mythology, Newborn Babies, babies, ugly
“Acknowledgement form a dude-object-of-desire is the brain chemical equivalent of snorting heroin while water-skiing with a litter of puppies.”Tagged: Acknowledgement, Object of Desire, Brain Chemicals, Heroin, Water-Skiing
“Since I was very young, my mom has told me I have “champagne tastes.” This meant that I preferred the non-clearance clothing racks at KMart.”Tagged: young, Childhood, champagne, humor, Bougie
“With any luck, you’ll find a good pack that will protect you, howl with you, and toss you a scrap of dead possum meat from the side of the road.”Tagged: Luck, Protection, Wolf Pack, Howl, Possum
“On the Midwest: People call us the heart of America; we pride ourselves on being real, salt of the earth folks who help each other out, swap creamed corn recipes, have euchre tournaments, and debate good-naturedly over who makes the best deep dish pizza. (Seriously, only tourists eat that shit.)”Tagged: Midwest, Heart of America, USA, Middle America, Pride
“The world currently expects us to look like a Kardashian-Jenner, with perfectly symmetrical facial features and the hip-waist ratio of a sexy flamingo.”Tagged: Kardashians, Entertainment, Beauty Standards, Sexy, Flamingo
“After decades of practice, I have become a champion ruminator. There is no rational argument I cannot outworry. Someday, Individual Freestyle Worrying will become an Olympic sport and it will all pay off.”Tagged: Pracitice, Decades, champion, Rumination, worry
“If I can put on my old lady hat for a moment, I will say that teens spend too much time on screens and not enough time making out behind Sbarro dumpsters. Oral herpes rates have dropped to a disturbing all-time low!”Tagged: Old Lady, Teens, Screens, Technology, Gen Z