Season 1

“Without me to blame everything on, they doesn't know what to do with themselves.”

— Pang-Ni Landrum, Maggie Bandur, Francis, Christopher Masterson, imdb.com

“Mom, I can't wear Reese's hand-me-downs. Look at this, Jell-o in the pockets, the fly's broken, and it smells like wet dog.”

— Pang-Ni Landrum, Maggie Bandur, Malcolm, Frankie Muniz, imdb.com

“Lois: That's right. She has two daddies. Reese: Two guys as your parents? That house has to be a dude's paradise.”

— Andrew Orenstein, Michael Glouberman, Reese, Justin Berfield, imdb.com

“Fate is just what you call it when you don't know the name of the person screwing you over.”

— Linwood Boomer, Lois, Jane Kaczmarek, imdb.com

“Lois: Malcolm, what is all that stuff from your teacher? That woman sends home two or three fliers every day. Malcolm: She says she wants the parents to be involved as possible with the children. Lois: At school? It's the only break I get!”

— Dave Richardson, Lois, Jane Kaczmarek, imdb.com

“Dewey: Mom, can I have a story? Lois: Once upon a time, there was a little boy that made his mom so crazy she decided to sell him to a circus.”

— Pang-Ni Landrum, Maggie Bandur, Lois, Jane Kaczmarek, imdb.com

“Malcolm: Someone stole my friend's wheelchair. Security Guard: What's it look like? Malcolm: It's a chair... with wheels.”

— Dan Kopelman, Malcolm, Frankie Muniz, imdb.com

“Look at that sky, Malcolm. Just think. Somewhere out there, all those stars and planets, there might be at this very moment a space dad who just got kicked out of his space trailer, who's looking down on us. Or would it be up at us? Or maybe sideways?”

— Pang-Ni Landrum, Maggie Bandur, Hal, Bryan Cranston, imdb.com

“You want to know the best part about childhood? At some point, it stops.”

— Linwood Boomer, Malcolm, Frankie Muniz, imdb.com

“Every day is a lottery and first prize is that you don't have to scoot yourself around town on a skateboard with your hands.”

— Linwood Boomer, Lois, Jane Kaczmarek, imdb.com