“I grew up in a neighborhood and it was mostly Irish and Italian and Polish. So everybody went to mass. I was in a Jewish family, but we never had any religious upbringing. The closest I got to Jewish was, you know, they clipped the tip. That was it. I had no say about that at all.”— Billy Joel, amazon.com
“Dr. Schwartz: His father had it, his grandfather had it and...his brother had it. Kyle: [horrified] No. No, it's not possible. Dr. Schwartz: We're not going to cut it off. We're just going to snip it so that it looks bigger. Stan: Oh, hey, dude, that didn't sound like a bad idea. Cartman: Yeah, I wa…”— Eric Cartman, Trey Parker, imdb.com
“Kyle: You know, I've learned something today. Family isn't about whose blood you have, it's about who you care about. Stan: Yeah! Kyle: And that's why I feel like you guys are more than just friends. You're my family. Except for Cartman. Stan: Naturally. Cartman: Screw you guys! I don't want to be i…”— Eric Cartman, Trey Parker, imdb.com
“Abbi, why wouldn't we be rating them on dick size? It's all I can see. Those b-ball shorts are God's gift. If you train your eyes, you can see their religion.”— Abbi Jacobson, Ilana Glazer, Ilana Wexler, Ilana Glazer, imdb.com
“Don't believe them when they tell you it doesn't hurt. It hurts bad. It hurts really bad. Imagine, this will be his first memory. Of someone yanking the hat off his little man. I know you love your baby, but what kind of perverts would stand idly by while a stranger rips the cover off his 9-iron and…”— Larry Charles, Cosmo Kramer, Michael Richards, imdb.com
“Darling, you see where that glass is? How that glass is near the edge of the table. You got the whole table there to put the glass, why you chose the absolute edge, so half the glass is hanging off the table, you breathe and that glass falls over, then you're gonna have broken glass on the carpet, e…”— Larry Charles, The Mohel, Charles Levin, imdb.com
“Is the baby gonna cry like that? Is that how the baby cries, with the loud, sustained, squealing cry, 'cause that could pose a problem. Do you have any control of your child 'cause this is the time to exercise it when baby is crying in that high-pitched, squealing tone that can drive you insane?”— Larry Charles, The Mohel, Charles Levin, imdb.com
“My friend Ricky works at the circus. His job is circumcising elephants. Although he likes it, the wages are low but the tips are huge.”— Pasta-Leguine, reddit.com