They're prisons. Manmade prisons. You're doing time. You get up in the morning. She's there. You go to sleep at night. She's there. It's like you gotta ask permission to use the bathroom. ‘Is it all right if I use the bathroom now?’
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Cosmo Kramer
Cosmo Kramer, usually referred to as simply "Kramer", is a fictional character on the American television sitcom Seinfeld (1989–1998), played by Michael Richards. The character is loosely based on comedian Kenny Kramer, Larry David's ex-neighbor across the hall. Kramer is the friend and neighbor of main character Jerry, residing in Apartment 5B, and is friends with George and Elaine. Of the series' four central characters, only Kramer has no visible means of support; what few jobs he holds seem to be nothing more than larks. His trademarks include his upright hairstyle and vintage wardrobe, whose combination led Elaine to characterize him as a "hipster doofus"; his taste in fresh fruit; love of occasional smoking, Cuban cigars in particular; bursts through Jerry's apartment door; frequent pratfalls and penchant for nonsensical, percussive outbursts of noise to indicate skepticism, agreement, irritation and a variety of other feelings. He's been described as "an extraordinary cross between Eraserhead and Herman Munster". Kramer appeared in all but two episodes: "The Chinese Restaurant" and "The Pen", in the second and third seasons, respectively. 2Background and family In "The Trip", Kramer admits that a man in a park exposed himself to him when he was a young boy. In "The Big Salad" Kramer reveals to Jerry that he grew up in a strict household where he had to be in bed every night by 9:00PM. In "The Letter", Kramer tells two art patrons that he ran away from home at age seventeen and stowed away aboard a steamer bound for Sweden. Kramer never completed high school; however, it is made clear in "The Barber" that Kramer has a GED. Kramer was estranged for a long period from his mom, Babs Kramer, who works as a restroom matron at an upscale restauran
Well, look at it this way. We drop the dog off in front of somebody's house in the country. They find it and adopt it. Now the dog is prancing in the fields. Dancing and prancing. Fresh air. Dandelions. We're doing this dog a real favor.
You know, I try to take care of myself. I—I watch what I eat. Ah, just recently I cut out fructose.
Now what does the little man inside you say? See you gotta listen to the little man.
CALVIN KLEIN? No, no. That's my idea. They, they stole my idea. You see I had the idea of a cologne that makes you smell like you just came from the beach.
I must have been out of my mind. Look at you. Why don't you do something with your life? Sit around here all day, you contribute nothing to society. You're just taking up space. How could I be with someone like you? Couldn't respect myself.
Please! Please!! I take it all back, everything! I take it all back, every word! I love you! I love YOU! I can't live without you, I'll do anything.
You know how there's some people you worry about whether you're going to hurt their feelings? With her, I'm looking forward to it. I'd like to get it on video, watch it in slow motion and freeze-frame it. Oh ho, yeah.
You know, the library is kind of a cool place when it's closed.
Look at her. This is a lonely woman looking for companionship....Spinster...Maybe a virgin....Maybe she got hurt a long time ago. She was a schoolgirl. There was a boy. It didn't work out. Now she needs a little tenderness. She needs a little understanding. She needs a little Kramer.
It's all a bunch of cheapskates in there anyway. People sitting around reading the newspaper attached to huge wooden sticks. Trying to save a quarter, ooh.
Audrey: It’s amazing how many beautiful women live in New York. I actually find it kind of intimidating. Kramer: Well, you’re just as pretty as any of them. You just need a nose job.
Look at you! Look at what you've sunk to! Look at what you've become! Look in the mirror, ’cause you need help, Jerry. You need help, because I can't stand by and do it anymore. It's turning my stomach! I can't stand around here watching you destroy yourself. It's eating me up inside.