“Check it. I got a dirty ass martini and a clean white power suit.”Tagged: check it, power suit, play on words, martini
“My biggest weakness is that I lose my purse a lot.”Tagged: Weakness, Interview, Losing, purse, mistake
“Do you ever get hair from your head stuck in your buttcrack in the shower?”Tagged: shower, Buttcrack
“Abbi, why wouldn't we be rating them on dick size? It's all I can see. Those b-ball shorts are God's gift. If you train your eyes, you can see their religion.”Tagged: Dick Size, Basketball Shorts, Religion, Circumcision
“Nose, vagina, butthole. If God didn’t want us to put our fingers in there, then why did she make them perfectly finger-sized?”Tagged: nose, Vagina, Butthole, God
“You look sexy and vivacious and artsy and, like, young-wife material but, like, taut and teasy still. It’s a perfect combo.”Tagged: Sexy, Vivacious, Artsy, Wife Material
“Honey, I have a cyst on my uterus and I need to get fucked until it pops.”Tagged: Cyst, uterus, Fucked
“Let's meet at the ATM where the dude puked on you last week.”Tagged: atm, puke, last week, Location, Meeting
“We ran into like a pickle. . . wall. I don't know what the saying is.”Tagged: in a pickle, hit a wall, expressions
“Abbi: I can't really imagine what it's life for people with blue eyes. Ilana: No idea, other than feeling like a fucking freak.”Tagged: Blue Eyes, Freak, Life
“The most powerful moment in a woman's life. Your first grey hair.”Tagged: Powerful, Grey Hair, Woman, coming of age
“The vah-yine-yah is nature's pocket. It's natural and responsible.”Tagged: Vagina, Nature, Natural, responsible, Handy
“That's cool. I respect you, respecting me. I am going to respect your dick later.”Tagged: cool, Respect, Sex
“Ilana: Abbi, truth or dare? Abbi: You know what, I'm gonna go with dare. Ilana: I dare you to suck Jeremy's dick.”Tagged: Truth, dare, Game, suck, Sex
“You said that if you ever were going to do a same sex experimentation, it was going to be with me.”Tagged: same sex, upset, offer, Experimentation
“I'd like to cash these nickels, and I'll have them in quarters, please.”Tagged: Bank, Cash, Request, Nickles, quarters
“THIS IS THE HAPPIEST DAY OF MY LIFE!!!”Tagged: Excited, Happy, Overwhelmed, happiest day of my life, Life