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Michael Richards

103 quotesTelevision Actor · Born Jul 24, 1949 · United States Of America · Male

Michael Anthony Richards (born July 24, 1949) is an American actor, writer, television producer and comedian, widely known for his portrayal of Cosmo Kramer on the television sitcom Seinfeld, for which he received the Primetime Emmy Award for Outstanding Supporting Actor in a Comedy Series three times. Richards began his career as a stand-up comedian, first entering the national spotlight when he was featured on Billy Crystal's first cable TV special. He went on to become a series regular on ABC's Fridays. Prior to Seinfeld, he made numerous guest appearances on a variety of television shows, such as Cheers. His film credits include So I Married an Axe Murderer, Airheads, Young Doctors in Love, Problem Child, Coneheads, UHF, and Trial and Error, one of his few starring roles. During the run of Seinfeld, he made a guest appearance in Mad About You. After Seinfeld, Richards starred in his own sitcom, The Michael Richards Show, which lasted less than one full season. When Seinfeld ended in 1998, Richards returned to stand-up comedy. He incited media furor while performing at the Laugh Factory comedy club in late 2006 after cell phone video was published of him launching into an expletive-laced racial tirade after earlier interruptions from a group of late-arriving audience members. Subsequent to significant media coverage of the event he announced his retirement from stand-up early in 200

All Loneliness (3)Love (3)Los Angeles (3)Attraction (3)Sex (3)Dreams (2)cologne (2)Understudies (2)masturbation (2)Pig Man (2)Shame (2)Kidnapping (2)Kavorka (2)Moles (2)Libraries (2)

From “The Engagement”

They're prisons. Manmade prisons. You're doing time. You get up in the morning. She's there. You go to sleep at night. She's there. It's like you gotta ask permission to use the bathroom. ‘Is it all right if I use the bathroom now?’

Marriage Prison Submission Boredom bathroom

Well, look at it this way. We drop the dog off in front of somebody's house in the country. They find it and adopt it. Now the dog is prancing in the fields. Dancing and prancing. Fresh air. Dandelions. We're doing this dog a real favor.

Kidnapping Animal Abuse Cruelty to Animals Fresh Air Dogs

From “The Pick”

You know, I try to take care of myself. I—I watch what I eat. Ah, just recently I cut out fructose.

Fitness Fructose

Now what does the little man inside you say? See you gotta listen to the little man.

Trust Intuition Advice

CALVIN KLEIN? No, no. That's my idea. They, they stole my idea. You see I had the idea of a cologne that makes you smell like you just came from the beach.

Calvin Klein beach cologne Plagiarism

From “The Truth”

My friend Bob Sacamano had shock treatments. But his synapses were so large, it had no effect.

Mental Illness Shock Treatment

From “The Dog”

I must have been out of my mind. Look at you. Why don't you do something with your life? Sit around here all day, you contribute nothing to society. You're just taking up space. How could I be with someone like you? Couldn't respect myself.

Breakups insults Humiliation Self-Esteem

Please! Please!! I take it all back, everything! I take it all back, every word! I love you! I love YOU! I can't live without you, I'll do anything.

Apologies Regret Love

You know how there's some people you worry about whether you're going to hurt their feelings? With her, I'm looking forward to it. I'd like to get it on video, watch it in slow motion and freeze-frame it. Oh ho, yeah.

Revenge Feelings Cruelty Sadism

From “The Library”

You know, the library is kind of a cool place when it's closed.

Libraries After Hours

Look at her. This is a lonely woman looking for companionship....Spinster...Maybe a virgin....Maybe she got hurt a long time ago. She was a schoolgirl. There was a boy. It didn't work out. Now she needs a little tenderness. She needs a little understanding. She needs a little Kramer.

Librarians Trauma Heartbreak Loneliness

It's all a bunch of cheapskates in there anyway. People sitting around reading the newspaper attached to huge wooden sticks. Trying to save a quarter, ooh.

Libraries Cheapness

From “The Parking Garage”

I once saw this thing on TV with people who are terminally ill. And they all believed the secret of life is just to live every moment.

Terminal Illness Living In The Moment TV

From “The Nose Job”

Audrey: It’s amazing how many beautiful women live in New York. I actually find it kind of intimidating. Kramer: Well, you’re just as pretty as any of them. You just need a nose job.

Nose Job New York Bluntless Too Honest

Look at you! Look at what you've sunk to! Look at what you've become! Look in the mirror, ’cause you need help, Jerry. You need help, because I can't stand by and do it anymore. It's turning my stomach! I can't stand around here watching you destroy yourself. It's eating me up inside.

Pity Despair Hitting Bottom

From “The Alternate Side”

So I'm sitting there with Woody and I say, I turn to him and I go, ‘Boy, these pretzels are making me thirsty.’

Woody Allen

From “The Pez Dispenser”

You know I got a great idea for a cologne. The Beach. You spray it on and you smell like you just came home from the beach.

cologne Aromatherapy Beaches

From “The Fix-Up”

What's the matter with you? Now don't you two see that you're in love with each other? I mean, why can't you face that already? You're running around out there looking for something that's not even there, when everything that you dream of is right here, right here in front of you.

Love Fighting

From “The Limo”

Don't you see? There's always been something very strange about Jerry, always so clean and organized. Do I have to spell it out for you? The limo? The name? The rally at Madison Square Garden? Jerry, O'Brien are the same person. Jerry is the leader of the Aryan Union.

Nazis neatness cleanliness Madison Square Garden

From “The Parking Space”

Because I'm like ice, buddy. When I don't like you, you've got problems.

Threats Coldness

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