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Quotes tagged ‘Funny Quotes’

(176 total)

He was so ugly everyone died.

— Patrick Star, amazon.com

Squidward: If that was you on the phone and you on the bus then who was flickering the lights. Nosferatu

— Squidward, amazon.com

Fine I guess you're gonna miss The Panty Raid.

— Patrick Star, amazon.com

Narrator: So much later that the old narrator got tired waiting and they had to hire a new one.

— Narrator, amazon.com

Person on phone: Is this the Krusty Krab? Patrick: No this is Patrick.

— Patrick Star, amazon.com

Black people playing tennis, next white people will be tap dancing!

— Will Smith, amazon.com

Roses are red, violets are blue, me and jazz are black, Carlton what are you?

— Will Smith, amazon.com

Hey girl, I'd marry your brother just to be in your family.

— Will Smith, amazon.com

By the end of the fourth grade, the lunch lady was actually the person I hung out with the most.

— Michael, amazon.com

Saw Inception. Or at least I dreamt I did.

— Michael, amazon.com

One thing you need to know about me, I don't quit, until something tears or pops.

— Dwight, amazon.com

I wonder what people like about my? Probably my jugs.

— Phyllis, amazon.com

It is exactly 12:23. The exact moment you emerged my your mothers vaginal canal.

— Dwight, amazon.com

The only problem is when I try to make a taco, I get too excited.

— Kevin, amazon.com

I don't need the woods, I have a nice wood desk. And I don't need fresh air, I have the freshest air around, A.C.

— Michael, amazon.com

Jim: "Question: What kind of bear is best?" Dwight: "That's a ridiculous question." Jim: "False. Black bear.

— Jim And Dwight, amazon.com

Whenever i'm about to do something, I think. 'Would an idiot do that? And if they would, I do not do that thing.

— Dwight, amazon.com

There's too many people on this earth, we need a new plague.

— Dwight, amazon.com

Pam would you please tell Darryl this is not a women's suit.

— Michael, amazon.com

Dwight you ignorant slut.

— Michael, amazon.com

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