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Quotes tagged ‘humor’

(1220 total)

Nothing can change the way I feel about you. I wish it could.

— Emily Horne, Joey Comeau, asofterworld.com

Good just keeps going and going until it seems more like 'okay.'

— Emily Horne, Joey Comeau, asofterworld.com

All my dreams came true. I just didn't think them through.

— Emily Horne, Joey Comeau, asofterworld.com

Man if I had a nickel for every time someone ran over your cat and was unsure how to tell you about it but was really sorry, I'd have ten cents.

— Emily Horne, Joey Comeau, asofterworld.com

Skip the sense of humor. Sex at its best is still messy and full of unexpected hair pulls and noises from below. But it’s that way for everyone, so what can you do besides laugh it off?

— Kate Ferguson, thebolde.com

So many handsome men at my polling place. Can I vote for one of them to give me their phone number?

— Korey Kuhl, twitter.com

ur mcm didn't vote at all

— sleepy spice™, twitter.com

Why are you on Twitter? Go VOTE

— Liz Meriwether, twitter.com

Dear America, Good luck on your IQ test today. Sincerely, Britain, who failed their IQ test with Brexit.#Election2016

— Behlul, twitter.com

donald chump is just angry that hillary gets to hang out with jay z and beyoncé because they all have grammys and he doesn't

— Matt Bellassai, twitter.com

Not gonna lie, I am looking forward to posting mainly about cats and books again. *lights candle for that happy outcome* #IVOTED

— Laura Anne Gilman, twitter.com

Real talk, Ivanka's voting for Hillary, right?

— Catie Warren, twitter.com

My birthday tomorrow marks the beginning of the end of the world.. aka Election Day.

— Victoria Kelley, twitter.com

I'm pretty sure we could convince Gary Johnson that picking up your phone and whispering a candidate's name to Siri counts as a vote.

— Rob Fee, twitter.com

I voted for Leslie Knope.

— Brandon Hays, twitter.com

Today's a big day guys! Either we elect our first woman president or our first bag cheetos. #ElectionDay

— Chloe Bennet, twitter.com

Forget 'I Voted' stickers. After this race, they should be handing out cyanide pills. #ElectionDay

— Jordan Gershowitz, twitter.com

The phrase 'Girls Rule, Boys Drool' actually feels like a fair debate rebuttal today.

— Diane Kang, twitter.com

Good morning, America! Welcome to the day of our undoing!

— Veronica, twitter.com

brb putting make-up on before i go vote

— Carrie Wittmer, twitter.com

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