“I always rib people, but nobody ever gives me a hard time. I don't know why. Maybe they're afraid of what I might say. There's probably a lesson in that somewhere, but I don't know what it is.”— Don Rickles, esquire.com
“Morgan: Sabrina, we said that we were gonna spend tonight cleaning out the closets and getting rid of junk. And by that, I mean Roxie's clothes. Roxie: If we dumped half your makeup, we'd have room for an ice-skating rink.”— Trish Baker, Morgan Cavanaugh, Elisa Donovan, imdb.com
“It's sweet of you, Dave — I know your busy schedule of going to the bank and trying to figure out what the hell you do.”— Don Rickles, cnn.com
“Bob, I'm so happy for you, but do us a favor: Get off the air. How long [are you going to do this]? The soldiers, the Navy, they're getting tired. Every time there's a war, you're right there. In Iran, they're fed up, they're fighting and you go, 'I wanna tell you...' with your golf club. It's over.…”— Don Rickles, cnn.com
“Well, I just wanted to say to you, Larry, as a favor, please don't call me anymore. I think this was an absolute waste. This will not change my life one bit. I personally feel your show is not going to make it much longer, really. You're an annoying guy sitting there in your little funny little swea…”— Don Rickles, chicagotribune.com
“I gotta tell you, with all the nonsense and all the jokes, I want to tell you from the bottom of my heart: Merv Griffin told me he never liked you.”— Don Rickles, chicagotribune.com
“Remember when you were governor and you used to walk over to my table? Now you're big and you're getting on my nerves?”— Don Rickles, chicagotribune.com
“You were all marvelous, really you were. I [could spend] all night saying how great you were...except De Niro was weak.”— Don Rickles, cnn.com
“Hi, dum dum….Where does it say you butt in, dummy? I'm fed up with you already, you know that? That's it, laugh it up. You're making $50 million a year and your poor parents are back in Nebraska eating locusts for dinner.”— Don Rickles, chicagotribune.com
“We kid about great stars such as you Bob, why? Because you're old and washed up.”— Don Rickles, chicagotribune.com
“They warned me what a serious guy De Niro is….They warned me not to make jokes. So the third day of shooting, I looked him straight in the face and told him: 'I can't work with you. You can't act.' The guy fell on the floor. He didn't stop laughing for 18 weeks. Scorsese fell on the floor too, but h…”— Don Rickles, chicagotribune.com
“Clint's idea of a good time is sitting on a pickup truck watching his dog bark.”— Don Rickles, youtu.be
“Clint, I say it, nobody else has said it, but I say it from my heart: You're a lousy actor.”— Don Rickles, youtube.com
“Scott: What are you idiots doing? Terrance: We're looking for treasure. Scott: Is that some kind of metaphor for a kind of search that can't be described? Phillip: No, we're searching for treasure.”— Matt Stone, Trey Parker, Terrance, Matt Stone, imdb.com
“Cartman: More tea, Rumpertumskin? Rumpertumskin: Yes, please, Eric. You are tough and handsome. Cartman: Thank you, Rumpertumskin. And what do you think about me, Clyde Frog? Clyde Frog: I think you're a big fat piece of crap. Cartman: AY!”— David A. Goodman, Eric Cartman, Trey Parker, imdb.com