“Issa: Was it worth all that time I spent supporting your depressed ass? Lawrence: Probably not as much time as you spent being a fuckin' ho.”— Prentice Penny, Issa Dee, Issa Rae, imdb.com
“Jonah Ryan: It's my personality that has gotten us this far. Jeff Kane: No, I am the one who got us this far, you sentient enema.”— Billy Kimball, Jonah Ryan, Timothy Simons, imdb.com
“Ricky Ricardo: Lucy's been acting strange lately! Fred Mertz: Strange? How can you tell?”— Jess Oppenheimer, Madelyn Pugh, Ricky Ricardo, Desi Arnaz, imdb.com
“Lucy Ricardo: There's just two things keeping me from dancing in that show. Fred Mertz: Your feet?”— Jess Oppenheimer, Fred Mertz, William Frawley, imdb.com
“Some people build model airplanes. Ethel reads postcards.”— Jess Oppenheimer, Madelyn Pugh, Fred Mertz, William Frawley, imdb.com
“Fred Mertz: [Fred and Ethel think Ricky has bought Lucy a mink coat] What are you trying to do, make a bum out of me? Ethel Mertz: Don't blame him. You were a bum before he was born. Fred Mertz: Oh, yeah? Ethel Mertz: Yeah!”— Jess Oppenheimer, Ethel Mertz, Vivian Vance, imdb.com
“Well, I don’t know who’s been raising you, but I’m gonna get you some new crayons because it looks like he’s shooting cabbages.”— Matt Duffer, Ross Duffer, Joyce Byers, Winona Ryder, imdb.com
“Eve Baxter: Stick around. You'll learn something about the world. Mandy Baxter: I know all about the world. I was already in it while you were still busy ruining Mom's body.”— Vince Calandra, Mandy Baxter, Molly Ephraim, imdb.com
“Blair Warner: [reading Natalie's diary aloud in astonishment] 'Blair Warner is an egotistical, selfish, air-brained witch'. Jo Polniaczek: That Natalie, she calls 'em like she sees 'em.”— Jerry Jacobius, Steven Gore, Blair Warner, Lisa Whelchel, imdb.com
“Natalie Green: Don't call me a geek! Tootie Ramsey: I'll call you anything I want!”— Deidre Fay, Stuart wolpert, Tootie Ramsey, Kim Fields, imdb.com
“Edna Garrett: Alright, girls. What's all the shouting about? Joanne 'Jo' Polniaczek: Could you tell Mrs. Onassis here to stay out of my way? With her face creams and cologne bottles and hair sprays, I tell ya, I walk in here sometimes and I think I'm in a drugstore. I look around for the checkout st…”— Jack Elinson, Blair Warner, Lisa Whelchel, imdb.com
“Blair Warner: [insulting Jo's clothes] She must think we're into nostalgia, she's still wearing flared jeans. Joanne 'Jo' Polniaczek: Uh, in a minute you're gonna be wearing flared teeth!”— Jerry Mayer, Joanne Jo Polniaczek, Nancy McKeon, imdb.com
“If you folks wanted a downer, you could just turn off the TV and spend the night with each other.”— Martin Mull, youtube.com
“There are even some cases of people with no personality at all—right, Jerry?”— Martin Mull, youtube.com
“Mike: How long have you been believing in curses? Archie: How long have you been living here?”— Michael Ross, John Rappaport, Michael Stivic, Rob Reiner, imdb.com
“Edith: 'Nothing' just came into my mind. Archie: It must have felt right at home there.”— Michael Ross, Bernard West, Edith Bunker, Jean Stapleton, imdb.com
“Why don't you go back to bartender's school and take a course in 'shut up'?”— Michael Ross, Archie Bunker, Carroll O'Connor, imdb.com
“Mike: C'mon, Archie, two measly dollars. Didn't you ever bet on anything? Archie: Yes...I bet that my daughter would marry a human being and lost!”— Don Nicholl, Archie Bunker, Carroll O'Connor, imdb.com
“Mike: Actually, your father is on his best behavior tonight. He only called me an 'unbeautiful thing'. Could've called me an 'unbeautiful Polack.' Archie: The night is young, meathead.”— Rob Reiner, Michael Stivic, Rob Reiner, imdb.com
“Next time you want to time something, Edith, just let the sand run out of your head.”— Lennie Weinrib, Archie Bunker, Carroll O'Connor, imdb.com