“Men are complicated! And the only way to figure a man out is to stay up until 4am psychotically digging through every single thing he’s ever said or clicked on the internet. Whether you’re investigating a new beau, and old fling, or every man you’ve ever met, here’s how to dig so deep down into his…”— Jasmine Pierce, reductress.com
“This town made you and now you’ve left it and taken a big shit on your own goddamn home. Now come take a selfie with me so I can instagram about how proud I am of you.”— Taylor Kay Phillips, mcsweeneys.net
“The White House did not immediately respond to a request for comment.”— Christina Caron, nytimes.com
“I think it's OK when people clap after a movie. They know they're not telling the people who made the movie "thank you," they're just telling each other they enjoyed the movie together. It's human and nice.”— Twitter's Good Boy, twitter.com
“Just like you and me, the sun bear never looks good on camera, not ever.”— kelly catchpole, medium.com
“he was a skater boy she said see you later boy he wasn't a girl and she was gay”— Robyn Kanner, twitter.com
“I expect a lot of gifts from my animals. I hope they shower me with love. Probably not going to happen.”— Taylor Nicole Dean, youtube.com
“Here, Queen Elizabeth watches horses and horse-riders do horse-like things. She seems to be very focused and any other emotions she may be feeling are unclear.”— Lisa Ryan, thecut.com
“1988: made you this mixtape 1998: I burned you this CD 2008: made you this playlist 2018: *doesnt do anything cuz too afraid to come off as thirsty*”— Eden Dranger, twitter.com
“You can’t change anything because that would require any of it meaning something.”— Katie Mather, thebelladonnacomedy.com
“Never in my life have I worn a pair of sunglasses that were so tremendously unflattering.”— Opheli Garcia Lawler, vice.com
“You can have a terror of death and also be obssessed about your keratin treatment.”— Melissa Broder, itunes.apple.com
“My husband told me he thinks my sexual orientation is 'being right' and I’ve never felt more seen.”— Jessica Valenti, twitter.com