Quote
Catalog

Quotes tagged ‘Wordplay’

(41 total)

Stephen King has a son named Joe. I'm not joking but he is.

— Jared, twitter.com

Where did Noah keep his bees? In the ark hives.

— Ralph Nelson Willett, twitter.com

I'm not declining, I'm just not I'm not clining.

— Tony Roche, Shiv Roy, Sarah Snook, imdb.com

Well, I didn't see a penis today, but I definitely saw a big dick.

— Micah Schraft, Jennie Snyder Urman, Darci Factor, Justina Machado, imdb.com

Did you have a genie in your bottle? Did you rub one out of him darling?

— Maria Melnik, Mad Sweeney, Pablo Schreiber, imdb.com

I need vitamin sea.

— Unknown, pinterest.com

Depression doesn’t just steal the depressed person’s capacity for joy. It throws its mantle over everything he has ever done and everything he could ever do. The depressed person dies not to save himself from the world but to save the world from himself. In this case the word depression makes clear…

— Sarah Manguso, amazon.com

I said to the gym instructor: ‘Can you teach me to do the splits?’ He said: ‘How flexible are you?’ I said: ‘I can’t make Tuesdays.'

— Tim Vine, inews.co.uk

Mr. Fischoeder: She left me for a married oil magnate. And then a married movie magnate. Tina: She's a magnate magnet.

— Lizzie Molyneux, Wendy Molyneux, Tina Belcher, Dan Mintz, imdb.com

I’m 20 weeks pregnant. When will my baby move? With any luck, right after he graduates college.

— Unknown, tcat.tc

Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? Great food. No atmosphere.

— Unknown, tcat.tc

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs lying in front of your door? Matt.

— Unknown, tcat.tc

What do you call a snowman that can walk? Snow-mobile.

— Unknown, tcat.tc

What do prisoners use to call each other? Cell phones.

— Unknown, tcat.tc

What do you get when you mix a Christmas tree and an iPad? A pineapple!

— Unknown, tcat.tc

What do you call cheese that’s by itself? Provolone.

— Unknown, tcat.tc

How much did Santa pay for his sleigh? Nothing. It was on the house!

— Unknown, tcat.tc

What washes up on tiny beaches? Microwaves.

— Unknown, thoughtcatalog.com

What’s the definition of a good farmer? A man outstanding in his field.

— Unknown, thoughtcatalog.com

What did one horse say to the other at the dance? You mustang-o with me.

— Unknown, thoughtcatalog.com

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