Quote
Catalog

Latest Quotes

(108,898 total)

They just killed another 12 people in a mass shooting in Virginia Beach. This shit’s happening every week. It happens so much, I’m almost—I don’t care anymore.

— Dave Chappelle, Himself, Dave Chappelle, Dave Chappelle

Mass Shooting Virginia Beach Shit

This opioid crisis is a crisis. I see it everyday. It’s as bad as they say. It’s ruining lives, it’s…destroying families. Sadly, you know what it reminds me of? Seeing it? Reminds me of us. These white folks look exactly like us during the crack epidemic. You know, it’s really crazy to see. And all…

— Dave Chappelle, Himself, Dave Chappelle, Dave Chappelle

opioid crisis crack epidemic White People Empathy

I’m not for abortion. Oh, shut up, nigga. I’m not for it, but I’m not against it, either. It all depends…on who I get pregnant.

— Dave Chappelle, Himself, Dave Chappelle, Dave Chappelle

Nigga Abortion

If…if you’re in a group that I made fun of, then just know that I probably will only make fun of you if I see myself in you. I make fun of poor white people because I was once poor. And I know that the only difference between a poor black person and a poor white person is that a poor white person fe…

— Dave Chappelle, Himself, Dave Chappelle, Dave Chappelle

poor blacks poor whites

You see, Jussie Smollett is… gay, and he is black, not just French. Oh, it was a crazy story. Apparently, when he’s walking down the street late at night, two white men came out of the shadows, uh… with MAGA hats on and beat him up. Tied a rope around his neck, called him all kinds of niggas and… an…

— Dave Chappelle, Himself, Dave Chappelle, Dave Chappelle

Jussie Smollett Empire faggot nigger Hate Crime Hoaxes

It’s hard not to write these jokes. It’s hard not to think about it.

— Dave Chappelle, Himself, Dave Chappelle, Dave Chappelle

comedy Writing

Louis C.K. was a very good friend of mine before he died in that terrible masturbation accident. And it was his room. You read the story. He was masturbating in his own room. That’s where you supposed to masturbate. Then he said, 'Hey, everybody, I’m gonna pull my dick out.' Nobody ran for the door…

— Dave Chappelle, Himself, Dave Chappelle, Dave Chappelle

Louis C.K.masturbation Cancel Culture Motherfucker Atlanta

What does it actually mean to be equal? You know what I mean? Like, if women are actually equal to men, then there would be no WNBA, would there? You would just be good enough to play in the NBA with us.

— Dave Chappelle, Himself, Dave Chappelle, Dave Chappelle

Equality WNBA Gender Differences

Strive to discover foundational love, the kind of relationship that motivates you to be a better man or woman, the kind of intimacy that is rare rather than right there. “But I don’t want to be alone,” we often exclaim. Be alone. Eat alone, take yourself on dates, sleep alone. In the midst of this y…

— Bianca Sparacino, How To Ruin Your Life

Be Alone

I am what’s known on the streets as a victim blamer. You know what I mean? If somebody come up to me like, 'Dave, Dave, Chris Brown just beat up Rihanna.' I’ll be like, 'Well, what did she do?' 'Dave, Michael Jackson was molesting children.' 'Well, what were those kids wearing at the time?'

— Dave Chappelle, Himself, Dave Chappelle, Dave Chappelle

Michael Jackson Victim Blaming Chris Brown Rihanna

I’m sorry, ladies. I just… I got a fucking Me Too headache. Y’all is killing me right now. It’s really fuckin’ tough to watch what’s going on.

— Dave Chappelle, Himself, Dave Chappelle, Dave Chappelle

Fuck #metoo

And as I was leaving, it occurred to me. 'Hey. Hey, Renée, quick question. It’s just a question. Seriously, I wanna know. Like, wh-why is it… why is it that… that I can say the word 'nigger' with impunity… …but I can’t say the word 'faggot'?' And she said, 'Because, David, you are not gay.' I said,…

— Dave Chappelle, Himself, Dave Chappelle, Dave Chappelle

nigger faggot gay obscene Profanity

I’m not a pedophile. But if I was…Macaulay Culkin’s the first kid I’m fucking, I’ll tell you that right now.

— Dave Chappelle, Himself, Dave Chappelle, Dave Chappelle

Pedophile Macaulay Culkin Fucking

Celebrity hunting season. Doesn’t matter what I say, they’re going to get everybody eventually.

— Dave Chappelle, Himself, Dave Chappelle, Dave Chappelle

Cancel Culture

If you’ve been poor, you know what that feels like. You ashamed all the time. Feels like it’s your fault.

— Dave Chappelle, Himself, Dave Chappelle, Dave Chappelle

Poverty Shame

What Michael Cohen said was he used his tax returns in one way to minimize taxes. He used his asset estimates in another way to raise loans from banks. That's a felony. And I think that he has not released his taxes because there was an inconsistency in his behavior that is illegal and in fact you g…

— Tom Steyer, Transcript

Donald Trump Michael Cohen Tax Returns Felony

This guy, R. Kelly, got another sex tape out now. Can you believe that shit? This guy makes more sex tapes than he does music. He’s like the DJ Khaled of sex tapes. 'Another one.' Like, damn, nigga! That’s a lot of tapes. The new one’s so bad that they didn’t even show it. I’ve never seen anything l…

— Dave Chappelle, Himself, Dave Chappelle, Dave Chappelle

r. kelly sex tape Dj Khaled Pussy pedophilia

I pay really high tax rates. So if you're asking me am I embarrassed about what I make, how I make it, or what I have paid—no.

— Tom Steyer, Transcript

Tax Rates

That’s why I don’t be coming out doing comedy all the time, ’cause y’all niggas is the worst motherfuckers I’ve ever tried to entertain in my FUCKING life.

— Dave Chappelle, Himself, Dave Chappelle, Dave Chappelle

Niggas Motherfuckers Fucking Cancel Culture

This is my impression, you ready? This is my impression… of the Founding Fathers of America… when the Constitution was being written. You ready? Here it goes. Hurry up and finish that Constitution, nigger. I’m trying to get some sleep. It’s not bad, right?

— Dave Chappelle, Himself, Dave Chappelle, Dave Chappelle

Founding Fathers nigger Constitution

KWW K&M&&WWMK MWWWWWWWWWWW MM K & MWK WWKKMK&&&M&&&& WWWWWWWWWWWWWW &WK WWW K K WWWWWMMMWMWWW & W WK &WM WW MWWW&KK &K KWWWMMWWK W & & W W & K M &WWMWWWWMK K KK K W MW K MWMMWW& &M KMWWWW &WWWWWM& W WW K K K W &WWWWWWMK WWWWWWWWWWK&WWWWWWWWWMM &K K M W K W WW KWWWMK KWWMWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWM&KKK &WK& KWW M K &W K &&WWWWWW&MWWWWWWM&K K WW WM & MM& WW W K&MMMK & MWWW & KWW W WK MWWWK WWWW K K W && K& WWW KM W & MWM &W WWM &&&K KMW& WWW& & W K & &M W &MWWM WWW KW WW K & WW M KK&K WWWWWWWM&K &W W& W K WW K&MK &MWWWW&K W &WK M &WW K&&K K WM WM W K W &MWW KWWW MMM&& KKKKKK W W & K WWWWWWW WWWWM &&K &WWWWWWWWWWWMK KKK&K K W& MK MW WWWWW WWW WWWWMK&& KK &MMMMMMMM&&&WWWWWWWWWWW K&M KK WW WW K W W &WW&K& WWW MWWWW MM&KKKMK WWWWWWWWWWWWMMWWWWWWWWWWWW& KK&& WW KK KWW&W KKK & &W WWWWKKWWWW W K &WWW MM&&&MK &WWWWWWWWWWWWWWMWWWWWWWWWWWWWM KK KK K& W M& W MWWWM MWWWWWWWWM W &WM WW& MW &K &MWWWWWWWWWWWMMM&WWWWWWW WWWWWWW K & & W&M WWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW& &WW& WWWWWWWW &MWWWWWWWWWMMMMMMMWWWWWWWKWWWWWWK KK M K WWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW && KKWWWWWWWW K &MWWWWWWWWMMMMMM&&WWWWWWWWWWWWWWW KK KW & M& WWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW MWWMWWWWWWWW KMWWWWWWWWMMMMMM&&MWWWWWWWWWWWWWWM KKK KW WW K W& WWWWWWWWWWWW&WWWWWWWW WWWWWWWWWWMWW& KMW &WWWWWWWWWMM&&&&KMWWWWWWMWWWWWWWW KK&K WWM &WW &W K &W&W MK MWWWMMWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW &WWWWWWMWWWWMW &WW KMWWWWWWWWMMM&&K &WWWWWWM&WMWWWWWM KKKK WWM KM WWW WK WWWWW WWWWWMWWWWWWKWWWWWWWW M&WWWWWWWMMWKWK K W KMWWWWWWWWWWMM&K WWWWWWWK&WWWWWWW K K WWW & &WWK W& WW WWWW WWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW MWWWWWWWMWWWW&W KM && &MWWWWWWWWWWMM& MWMWWWWWWWWKWWWW KKK WWWWW KM & K W KWWWWWWWWWWWMWWWWWW&MKM WWWWWWWWWWWWWWK& WK K K&WWWWWWWWWWMMMK MMWWWWM&KW&&&WWWK KKK&WWWM & WK WW WWWMWWWWWWWWWWWW WW&WW WWWWWWWWWWW&&WK WWW& &MWWWWWWWWWWM&K &MMMWWWWWWWW&WWW& KKMWWWW &&K W K K WWWWWWWWWWWWMWWWW&WWWKW WWWWWWWWWWWWWWW KMWM K&MMWWWWWWWWM&K &&WWWKMMMWWKWWWM KKMWWWW MM MW & & WWWWWWMWWWWWWWWWWWMWM KWWWWW&WWWWWWWW WW& &M &&&MWWWWWWM&& M&WWWWK WK K&WMW KWWWWW MM&K &K WWWWWW WWWWWWWWK&WW WW WWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW WW K&MMWWWWWM&K &MWW& WWM WMKWWW WWWWW KK WWWKM &WWWWWWM &WWW&K &WWWWWWWMWWWWWW& WWWW KK&MMWWWWM& &MM&&W WWWM KWW& WWWWW K

... .,,::.. ...:: :,. :,, . ,,, . ... ,::. ... : . :: :: .: , ., : . , :. : .,.. .,::.....,: .., ,.,.: , ,., : :.....,:: .. : :,: : :., , .. .,, . . :., .... ,:::.. ,:: :,,: .,, : . ,.. : ,. ..:::. .. : : :,: . , : . .. . :: . . ., . .....,: :.....: ,..: ,.. , ,::. . , ,... .::: . ,: ::.: : . , .. ,.,,, : , , , .,:::. .,:: ,..:: ,.. ,:,. , ... ..,:, . , , ,.. , , , . , , . , :, , ,::,. ..: :..,:, . . ::, , .. .,:,. : , ::: . : : ,::, ,: : ., . , :,. , . : .. .,,. , :, . ,,, . , . ., , . : .,:,. , ,..: ...:: .:,. ., . , .,. . . :.:. , ,,, . : . .,..: . .,,,. .: ,. :, . .:, .:,. .:: , ,. . . , :.., :,.. : , :,:: , .. . : , .,:, .: :. , . . . .,, , . , ,. .. , ., , ,:: :, . : : , , . .,,. .,: , , .. . ,:,. . , . . . . ,. .::,: ::. , , , , ,, . : ,:,. .: :. .,: , , ,:. . :: . . ., .. ..,,: ::,,:. ,,,,:: ,., : ,. ..,. ..::,. .:, . ,, :, , .:: . ,.: , : ,. ,,: ,.:. ,:.,: :, , : : : .,. ,::, ..: . :. :, : . ,. ., , ,,: ,, ,,.:: :: .:: : :,,: : : . : .,:. , : ,, .. : .:, : . , ., : :, ..,.::::: , : . .,,. .: :. ,: ,. .: ,:, . . .,,:: : ., , ...:::: : :,,, :: . . : : : . : : : ,,. . :: .:. , .: .:, , . , ,,:: : ,,...:::, ,, . , . ., , :. ,,. , .,, ,::, : ., ,, .:. :: .,:, , .. : . :: : .: : : , . . . : : ,, ,,. , . .: .. :. ,, . ,, . : ..,, . , . , .. : : , , , . . : ,,. ., , ,, ,. .: .:,. .: :.: .,::. , :.: , . , , , .,,. ,: , : :. .: .,, ., : ., : . .. ,. :, . ,. : ., : ,, ,: . : ., .: .,, . ., , ,. , : . ,. ... .: ,, ., .. ,,. : .: . .:., .. . , : , .. ,: : . ,. , ,,. ,. , ,, , ,:, , ,. ,: . : .. ,: , ., . : ,. ,. , , ,,,, : : : :, , :, : , : ,: ., .,: , , ., ,: ., . ,. : .. : ,.,: : : :, : , .:: ., ,. ,, . , . . ,. :.,. ,,,,:: : , ,. , : , : .: : : , :. .,. .. ,, :.,. : ..,,:: : : , : : . : , : , : ,.,. .: ,,., .,,,:: , . , , . : ,: ., ., .: , ,,,., . ,. ..,,::, : . : . : ., ,. .. .: : : :., : : . ,.:,,: . .: : :, , :, , : ,. ., : ,, : : : :,,,., : :, .:, . , . .: ., , ., ,: ,: : .,. , . ::: ,:, , ::: : ..: ,, .. , .: ,, : . .:, ,. : :, , . :::: : :., : . : ,, : .: : :,, : : , :.:, ,. . . .. , . : : .: ,. ., . .::: :.: :, :.,, . : .::::. ,,, : ,: : ,

<~ ~~ < ~~ ~* <~ ~} }} }*<~ <~}*~ } ~~ <* * ~ ~ <* ~ } ~~~ ~ ~ ~~ << * <} <} }}*~ <~*** ~ < ~~ < ~ }< * <}*< ~ } }< ~< < ~ ~~ <~ * <* * } < **} }~ ~~<<* * ~~ *} } < * * ~ } ~ }~ ~ ~~~ < ~ * ~< <*~ ~<} }} }* } ~ <<* * }~< * } *< ~* }* } ~~ < * ~< <*< <~ < **} * ~~ ~<< ~}~ *~ } * }} } < } }* < } < }~ ~< < * << ~<< } *< } ~~ ~ ~< * ~ ~ } < } ~ * ~~ * }<} < } ~~ ~ ~ < ~ ~}< } }~ }*}}* ~ ~< * } * ~*} ** } < } * * ****~* ~<~ ~ ~ < ~*< ~}}~<} **~~~ ~ ~~ <} *~ ~ * ** }} < <*< ~~~ < <<< ~ ~*}}< ~ ~ * * ~ * < } * }~* <~ * ~~ ~ ~ ~ ~ <<~ ~ ~ <~ } ~* <~ < <*} } < <*~} } * ~~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~~~ ~ ~ <} ~ * * } ~<~*} < * } ~ ~ ~ ~~~ ~~~~ ~ **~~} }< }* } * < }< * * ~ <~ < <*} *}~ } ~ ~~ ~ ~~<**<~~ ~ ~ < } < } * < } ** }*< } }** }* } ~ ~ ~~ } < <<**<*<~< ~ ~ } }}* ~ < * < } } * } < < * ~ ~ ~ ~~ }} **} ~ } }}**<~* < <}~ *<~}}} ~ } < ~ ~ ~ <*< < *~ ~* <} < << } } *< < ~}* } }} ~ < ~ }*<<}* ~} ~ ~} *} }* <*~< * }} <*~ * * }*} < } < ~ * <***} ~} ~ ~}} * } *<} ~* * }*}* ~ ~ ~~ ~ * ~ ~ * }~ * ~* } *< } ~~ * ~ < ~ < ~~~ <} * < ~ } *} ~ *~ } << ~ *< ~~ } ~<* ~ ~ <} ~*< * } } ~*<} * ~ ~<} << ~ }} ~ <~ ~ } *} <** *< } } < ~~ << < < ~ } } *~< } ~}~ ~ ~ *< * * * }* ~ ~ ~< }}* ~ < < * ~ ~ *~ < } } * * } ~ }} } ~<* < } * < ~ * * * } } ~ } ~~ *} }~ ~ ~ * * ~ < < } }}}< <* ~~ } <} < ~ < } * } } ~ ~ } ~~ } < * ~ *~~ ~~ } ~ }} }~ < < } * }<* } ~ } } } * *<~ ~~~ ~ } ** }* ~< ~* < } * < ~* **< ~ < ~ < } * <* } ~ ~ < < } } }}}*} ~ <*<~~~ * ~ ~ } ~ ~} <} << ~ **~ ~* *<< *~ } ** ~<~~~~ < ~~ ~* ~ } } ~} } } ~ *< *~ ~~ ~ <*~ }*}} <~~<~ < ~~~~ < < *} < }~~ ~ < } ~ ~* < ~ ~~ ~ < <~~ }* } } }} < }}<} ~}~ * * * <<~* ~ } }~ }~ ~ ~~~~ } * * *} * ~ }<~ }*<~ * << *

oo VUVU Uj U j V U j o j o UU j oj oU Vjj jo j UU o jjV Voj jooj V oj j o U j j o V VU V Uoj joV j Vj o U VVj U Vo U jUVj U VooojjoUU V V j U U V j U U j jjV UVoj joo V jU j V j Uj o j V U j V o o jo Vo U UU j V U U U Voooo V o oj j Uo j Vj U o U VUo jVjV V VVUU U o j j oo Vo UU jj jjV Voo ojjjjV V UVojjoVj j o Vjj U j o Vo V o jjjjjjjjoVojojU o U Uj oo jjVj o oo jjoooVVVV U o j o o o V j V U jjoVVVooooo j o j jV U oo jVVj U UVVVojjj V j oV V V U jj U j o j o o jjjoj Uoj o oj joj jo V VoU jo oUjj jj j oU VVoooj UVj oVo j U V oV Ujjj j j V Voj ooj V o j jU U j U o U Vj jo U V V UVjjoj o VUV VUU o o Uoj U U V UVojoo oVUUo UUUU o o ojU j V V j V j oo ooU V U o UVVV j o UVUUU Uj j U oV o V U o jj VV j U jj o j V o U VUU Uj o o U oo V V U o UV U o o U U UU U V V V Vj V o j U V V j UV U U U jo V o VUUU UUUj Vj j U V o U Vj V o o V V U VVVUVU ojo j jo UV o o V U o Vo j j V VoVUVU U j U V j U o j V U joV o oVVVU V o V jVo U VUV V jU UoVj UV U o V U j o U U U U jj UUU V o jj j o o V VV j ojV V jj U U V oU o UUU U U jV VV Vo j U U oU oj V VUV U j o oj VU UVj oo j oo j U U o o VUVU U o j V jjV j U U j V V V j U o jU j oUVUU o V j U V oojjjj j V V V U oVoVV U o V V U UVo o jo V V jV Ujo V j jooVVV VVV jj jV U U oo j jU o Uj oU U j V V V ooVVoU Vj oj j j U j UU oo UV j V jV UV j Uo U oVUVjU j o V o

W KMK WWWWW & K& WW WWW WWW& WWW &WWWWW& &M K & & W K MW& W M& WKM M &WW WW&K WMWWW& K& K & WMWW &W KK& KWWWWWWWWWWW KK K K &M WWWWWWW M WWW WWWWMMMWWWWWM K WWWWWWWW WWWWW WWWWMM&WWWWWW K W W W WWK WWWWWWWWM WWWWW & MWWWWM WWWWWW& &W W K WWWWWWWM WWWWWW WK WWWWW KWWWWMW KW& & & WWWWWWWMM WWWWWW K &MWWW WWM&&W KWW W KWWK W WWWWWW W &WWM WKKW W &W& WK WWW& W WWWWWW MW M KWWM WKWMMM WWW WW WW MMW WWWWWW&WW W WWWK WMW&MMK WWW WWWWMMWWM MWWWWWK WW W &WWK W&W&MWM MWW WWKWW&WW KWKWWWWKWW M WWK MMM WW WWW& K WWKWWM WMWWWW M& W& KWK &MWMMMW WW& W MW & WMWWWW K W && WWK&&W&W&& WM WWWWK & W&MWWWK K K M& K MWMW&&WWW W M&MWW& W K&WWWWW MWKK K K& M WKMKMW& K W &KWWW M&M& MWWKMW&M W&M KK&M W WWWMW WWWM MMWMMW M WM& MK K KW &WM& WKWWW&WWW &K MK K &&K &M&K& W&M&W WMK WM& K & KK KKK&WMW & K KK&

..,, . :,,,,:. . : , . : ,, , : .:, . .:.,.: .: ., . : . , . : . :. , .: . , :,, .. : :: : : :: , , , ,,. . , : : . ::. , ., :,.. , , ., :. ,. ..,:. . : : .. : . . . , :, ..:. . : . .. .: .. , , , . ,, : ..: . :. . : .. ., . . , . . ., . . .: , : : , :. .. , . . : . : , . . . . .. , , , : : , : : . . :, . :: : : . :,:, : . : : , . . ::,:: . :::: : ,:,:, . :, ., . . . .,:. ,::. , . .: ,, . ,, : . .. : . . ... . :: :. . : ., :,: .: . ., , , . : . . .,. , : . , . ., . . : : . , ..... , : . , , . .,.. : . :, , . .. : . ..,. : ,. : : . , .: . :: : : : .:, .. , .::....,

~ ~ ~ ~ < * ~* ~ < *} ~ ~ ~ < ~ * } ~ < < * < * ~ < }} }}~ * < }* *~* ~ * < * } * < }} ~~}* } *} } ~~}~ < ** < }~<**~ *<* ~ }} } ~<< *~ < ~ *~} } } <~<*} ~ <}} < ~ * } * ~ }* * ~ } * ~ ~ ~~ } *}~ ~ ~ <~ < * ~ * } < } } ~ ~< *< } * * < < * } < ~* ~ ~ ~ <~~* ~ < * * } * < *<~ < < < < * < } ~<<~ * * * * ~ } < <~ < < ~ } } * ~< } } < ~*} * } < ~ * }< * * } ~ } ~} ~ * } ** ~ * } ~ } < } ~}}~* * }} ~ } ~~ *<} < < ~ < < }* } << * <* < * * } ~* *}<~ } }<* < } } * * * ~< } } } < < * ~ < < < **~ * < * < ~}<} * ~} * ~ ~ }< ~ ~

V VV j o j U joUUj j V j Uo Ujj jUVo U j oU U V oj o j j jU oV j Uo Vj j joo o Uo oUj j o U Vj j V j jU Vj jV j V o o o oo U oo Uo o o U V V V o jV j U oV V j UU oj j Vo U jV j U U o UU j j o j oV U j U U VU VU Uo U Uo jj oo jj V V U U o o o oj U jj o j U j U Vo Voo U V V V U U j oV jo j o V j j o U U jVj U o U UU o U Vj oVV j U o U jjU U UU UVo oU jUV jo j o V UV j V V jU V V j V UV o oo U UoV j o o j V o o U U j j j Uj j o j jj U U oj o VU o oj Uo jUV o V UVj VV jV j oj U oo U j oj Vo jVoU Uoj V UooUUUUV UU jjUV ooj U ooVoj oo jVVV VVVVVoUVUV