“Lois Griffin: Peter, you're bribing your daughter with a car? Peter Griffin: Come on, Lois, isn't 'bribe' just another word for 'love?'”Tagged: Love, Bribe, SASS
“Mother, I come bearing a gift. I'll give you a hint: it's in my diaper and it's not a toaster.”Tagged: Parenthood, babies, humor, Potty Trained
“Peter Griffin: I'll handle it, Lois. I read a book about this sort of thing once. Brian Griffin: Are you sure it was a book? Are you sure it wasn't nothing?”Tagged: Snark, mean, Funny, Reading
“Peter Griffin: There's gotta be an explanation for all this! Brian Griffin: You want an explanation? [smacks Peter] GOD... IS...PISSED!”Tagged: God, God Is Pissed, Funny
“Damn you ice cream! Come to my mouth! How dare you disobey me! What are you looking at you... you infantile... stupid? That's right, damn you and such. You can... burn in hell...”Tagged: ice cream, Damn You, Melting Ice Cream, Burn In Hell
“Psychologist: Does Stewart have a history of aggression? Lois Griffin: No, no, hitting Peter is the first violent thing he's ever done. Stewie Griffin: Well, technically the first act of violence was that time bomb I left ticking in your uterus before I came out. Happy 50th birthday Lois!”Tagged: Evil Baby, Evil, I Hate You Mom, Evil Plan
“Peter Griffin: Run along Stewie, Daddy had a rough night. Stewie Griffin: Why you tottering fen sucked dewberry, I'm going to find something to strike you with, excuse me.”Tagged: I Hate Dad, Snark, Evil
“Peter Griffin: Did you just say I was fat? Doctor: Well, uh, yeah. You... you are pretty fat. Peter Griffin: Um, okay... this is news to me.”Tagged: doctors, Getting News, fat
“Brian Griffin: So, had a little trouble up there on stage, huh? Stewie Griffin: What do you mean? Brian Griffin: I mean crying and wetting yourself, you looked ridiculous. Stewie Griffin: You know what? I'm gonna buy a cake when you're dead.”Tagged: embarrassed, Snark, Sassy, I Hate You
“Joe Swanson: What were you doing last night? Peter Griffin: Fucking your mother.”Tagged: Snark, SASS, Fucking Your Mom