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Jeff Schaffer

44 quotesFilm Director · United States Of America · Male

Jeff Schaffer is an American film and television director, writer, and producer. During his work with the Seinfeld series Schaffer created the Festivus pole. 2Early life and education Schaffer was born in Cleveland, Ohio. He and his brother Greg (also a film and TV writer and producer) were raised in the Warren–Howland, Ohio area, about 50 mi (80 km) east of Cleveland. After graduating from Western Reserve Academy in Hudson, Ohio, Schaffer attended Harvard University, where he was on the staff of the humor publication The Harvard Lampoon. 2Career 3Television After college, Schaffer and his Harvard Lampoon writing pals Alec Berg and David Mandel wrote several episodes of the sitcom Seinfeld. He also served as executive producer during its ninth season. He has also held various other positions on the show such as program consultant, supervising producer and story editor. Schaffer directed several episodes of Curb Your Enthusiasm and also served as executive producer for several episodes. Notably, Schaffer directed "Seinfeld", the finale episode of Curb Your Enthusiasm's seventh season, which featured a reunion of the original cast of the Seinfeld series (for which the star and creator of Curb Your Enthusiasm, Larry David, was co-creator, head writer and executive producer

All Festivus (2)Sex (2)Christmas (2)Freedom (2)Threats (2)Regifting (2)Gluttony (2)Insanity (2)Wealth (2)Philanthropy (2)Honesty (1)Neon (1)Violence Against Planned Parenthood (1)Calzones (1)Raquel Welch (1)

From “The Chicken Roaster”

George: She’s got a little Marisa Tomei thing goin’ on. Jerry: Ah, too bad you’ve got a little George Costanza thing goin’ on.

Marisa Tomei Unmatched Partners

I can't eat, I can't sleep, all I can see is that giant red sun in the shape of a chicken.

Insomnia Neon chicken

So, did you have any trouble finding the place?

Burma Insanity Apocalypse Now

Of course there's the possibility that you've gone right out of your mind.

Insanity

From “The Summer of George”

What's the deal with airplane peanuts?

Airplane Peanuts Jokes Standup Comics

Because men think if women are grabbing and clawing at each other there's a chance they might somehow kiss.

Catfights erotica Lesbianism

Because they're terrified of her. I heard from someone that when they cut one of her lines, she climbed up the rope on side of the stage and started dropping lights on people’s heads. Story like that has got to be true.

Raquel Welch Prima Donnas Divas Temper Violence Against Planned Parenthood

Frolf: Frisbee golf, Jerry. Golf with a Frisbee. This is gonna be my time. Time to taste the fruits and let the juices drip down my chin. I proclaim this: The Summer of George!

Frolf Frisbee Golf Frisbee Golf Summer

From “The Butter Shave”

What's the deal with lampshades? I mean if it's a lamp, why do you want shade?

Bad Jokes Lampshade

I can't take this anymore! I don't want to hear how interesting the change with the hole in it is! And if you tell me what time it is in New York again, you are going home in a body bag!

Foreign Currency travel Annoyance Threats

Jerry, let's face it, I've always been handicapped. I'm just now getting the recognition for it. Name one thing I have that puts me in a position of advantage. Huh? There was a guy that worked at the Yankees—no arms! He got more work done than I did, made more money, had a wife, a family, drove a…

Handicapped Success New York Yankees

From “The Voice”

Elaine, breaking up is like knocking over a Coke machine. You can’t do it in one push; you got to rock it back and forth a few times, and then it goes over.

Breakups Coke Machines

From “The Strike”

There is no bigger loser than me!

Biggest Loser Self-deprecation

Frank Costanza: Many Christmases ago, I went to buy a doll for my son. I reached for the last one they had, but so did another man. As I rained blows upon, I realized there had to be another way. Kramer: What happened to the doll? Frank Costanza: It was destroyed. But out of that, a new holiday was…

Christmas Christmas Shopping Festivus

I think I could be a philanthropist. a kick-ass philanthropist! I would have all this money and people would love me. Then they would come to me and beg! And if I felt like it, I would help them out. And then they would owe me big time!

Philanthropy charity Beggars Wealth Power

Many Christmases ago, I went to buy a doll for my son. I reach for the last one they had—but so did another man. As I rained blows upon him, I realized there had to be another way!

Christmas Festivus Materialism Violence

I have spent a lot of time, and I have eaten a lot of crap to get to where I am today. And I am NOT throwing it all away now.

eating Incentives Sub Sandwiches

From “The Maid”

Hey, I'm on first and first. How can the same street intersect with itself? I must be at the nexus of the universe.

Universe lost Directions

Look, I work for the phone company. I've had a lot of experience with semantics, so don't try to lure me into some maze of circular logic.

Circular Logic Phone Companies Semantics

From “The Puerto Rican Day”

We don’t know how long this will last. They are a very festive people.

Puerto Ricans Festive

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