Jerry Adelman

20 quotes

All Cheating (3)Marriage (2)Backhanded Compliments (2)Murder (1)Mass Murder (1)Divorce (1)Pickup Truck (1)Breakups (1)Handsome (1)Reading (1)goats (1)be prepared (1)Realism (1)Howard Cosell (1)Empathy (1)

From “Episode 001”

“Loretta Haggers: [Referring to the Lombardi family] Someone just shot 'em. Mary Hartman: Oh my God. The whole family? Loretta Haggers: All five of them, plus two goats and eight chickens. Mary Hartman: I can't believe that. What kind of a madman would shoot two goats and eight chickens. [after a…”

Tagged: Murder, goats, Chickens, Animal Lovers

“Mary Hartman: [On the phone] Grandpa Larkin's at the police station? Sgt. Foley: Yes, he is. Mary Hartman: Is he all right? Sgt. Foley: Well, not exactly. Mary Hartman: Is he hurt? I mean, what did he have, an accident? Sgt. Foley: No, he's not hurt. And I'm afraid what happened to him was not an…”

Tagged: indecent exposure, fernwood flasher

From “Episode 003”

“Tom Hartman: Did you think I was sexy then? Mary Hartman: Yeah, you were. You were just like Johnny Carson. You were just all boyish and proud of yourself. Tom Hartman: He's a comedian. I'm a Robert Redford, huh? Mary Hartman: [thinks a moment] Johnny Carson.”

Tagged: Johnny Carson, Robert Redford, comedian, actor, Handsome

“Harold Clemens: [Referring to high school] I'm sure you were very attractive. Mary Hartman: [Charmed] Really? [Changing her tone] What do you think happened to me?”

Tagged: high school, Aging, Attractive, Backhanded Compliments

“Oh, Charlie, you make me feel bigger than Janis Joplin! When she was alive, that is.”

Tagged: janis joplin, Postmortem

“Mary Hartman: It was a wonderful book. It was guaranteed to improve my emotional health. Harold Clemens: Did it improve your emotional health? Mary Hartman: I think so, I definitely think so. You see, it was while I was reading that book that I realized that I needed glasses, and that made me feel…”

Tagged: Reading, eyeglasses, emotional health

From “Episode 005”

“Loretta Haggers: Y'know, Mary's been seeming kind of piqued lately, and I think I just stumbled on the truth of it. Mary Hartman ain't gettin' enough Vitamin L from her man Tom. Charlie Haggers: Vitamin L? Loretta Haggers: Vitamin Love. I think I oughtta write a song about that.”

Tagged: Vitamin L, Love, Vitamin Love, Country Music

From “Episode 011”

“Let me tell you about guilt. It's like crime, it doesn't pay.”

Tagged: Crime, Guilt, crime doesn't pay

From “Episode 014”

“Mary Hartman: [Davey has a pistol pressed against Mary's head] Is that a real gun, Davey? It's not real, is it? What is that, a little toy, little water cap pistol? Davey: No, it's real. Mary Hartman: Oh, it is real. Oh. See, I saw this skit on The Howard Cosell Show once. It was a hilarious skit.…”

Tagged: Tina Louise, Howard Cosell, Toy Gun

From “Episode 019”

“Charlie, honey, you gotta quit treating me like I'm some puny little heifer, honey, just 'cause I'm the teensiest littlest bit pregnant. Now, listen, I come from very hardy stock. A half hour before my grandmother birthed her thirteenth young'un, she was unloading 100-pound bags of fertilizer off…”

Tagged: Country Folk, Pickup Truck, Pregnancy

From “Episode 020”

“Sgt. Foley: Are you a little nervous? Mary Hartman: No. Why, do I seem a little nervous? No, I'm not, I'm not nervous. Why, because I'm a married woman having a cocktail in a cocktail lounge in the middle of the afternoon with a good looking person?”

Tagged: Nervous, Cheating, Infidelity, cocktail bar

“I don't know what this argument is between you and Tom, but I do know this: even if you are miserable living with him, it's the only way you're gonna be happy!”

Tagged: Marriage, Misery, Happiness

From “Episode 010”

“Tom Hartman: I want to tell you something, too. Mae Olinski: Yeah? Tom Hartman: You know I'm married? Mae Olinski: To your wife, right? Tom Hartman: To my wife. Does it make a difference? Mae Olinski: Sure, it makes a difference. But like they say, nobody's perfect. [Tom and Mae break into laughter…”

Tagged: Cheating, Marriage, Nobody's Perfect

From “Episode 008”

“Mary Hartman: Where's Grandpa? Martha Shumway: Watching Years of Our Days to Live. It's his favorite. Mary Hartman: Oh, I don't like that one. Martha Shumway: No? Mary Hartman: No, all the girls look alike, and they're all divorced, and all the husbands fool around with someone at work. I like a…”

Tagged: Soap Operas, Realism, Reality TV, Irony

From “Episode 029”

“Mary Hartman: As far as I'm concerned, you can have Tom if you want him. Mae Olinski: [gasps] Do you really mean that? Mary Hartman: Yes, I do. You see, I don't want him anymore, and there's no sense in letting him go to waste.”

Tagged: Breakups, Cheating, Divorce

From “Episode 021”

“Charlie Haggers: I wouldn't take no trip without some kind of protection. You never know what's lurkin' around out there, Loretta. I mean, be prepared, that's my motto. Be prepared. Loretta Haggers: Isn't that somebody else's motto, too? Charlie Haggers: The Boy Scouts of America. They don't fool…”

Tagged: be prepared, boy scouts of america

From “Episode 023”

“Mary Hartman: Oh, poor Davey. Sergeant Dennis Foley: Mary, he's a mass murderer. He murdered the entire Lombardi family, plus their two goats and eight chickens. Mary Hartman: I know, but aside from that he's such a nice boy. I mean, I wish there was something I could do for him. Sergeant Dennis…”

Tagged: Mass Murder, Killer, Empathy, misplaced empathy

From “Episode 024”

“Loretta Haggers: [regains consciousness, groggy] What happened? Charlie Haggers: Oh, honey, we had an accident, hit a station wagon full of nuns. Loretta Haggers: A station wagon full of nuns? Is that a sin? Charlie Haggers: Well, baby, if you're Catholic, but we're not Catholic. Loretta Haggers:…”

Tagged: Nuns, Catholic, Sin

“Charlie Haggers: You really planning to sell that fella's song for him in Nashville? Loretta Haggers: Yeah, I got to, y'know, I gave him my word. Charlie Haggers: That's a terrible song! And after what he had in mind to do to you. Loretta Haggers: Oh, honey, both he and his song are just sickeningly…”

Tagged: Nashville, Music Industry, Sexual Harassment, Bad Choices

From “Episode 026”

“I can't believe it. Loretta's never gonna walk again. Tom and Mae and Mary all have venereal disease, not to mention Frank Garth, who I don't even know. And we don't have any calmatives in the house. It's beginning to sound like a soap opera.”

Tagged: soap opera, venereal disease, STD

Jerry Adelman

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