“Jerry: It sounds like you're about to say Jacob is your lover. Leonard Smith: No, no, no. Jacob is your mother's lover. I watch them. Sometimes from a chair, sometimes from a closet. Almost always dressed as Superman.”Tagged: Lovers, Parents, Watching, Sex, Chair
“Well, all is forgiven, because right now, I’ve got an erection the size of an East Coast lighthouse, and I’m coming home to share it with my beautiful wife.”Tagged: erection, East Coast Lighthouse, Dick Jokes
“Meh, try not to worry about it, Morty. You're a good kid. And there's not a premium on that right now, but you'll be getting girls sometime after Brad's out of shape.”Tagged: Good Kid, Girls, romance, Getting Girls, worries
“All this time, you've been thinking, 'What if that loser Jerry hadn't talked me out of the abortion?' Well, now you know, you'd be a doctor. Whoop-dee-doo. You'd also be drinking wine, alone in a house full of exotic birds. And I'd be on DiCaprio's yacht, banging Kristen Stewart!”Tagged: Loser, Marriage, Abortion, Wine, Exotic Birds
“Beth: When two people create a life together, they set aside their previous lives as individuals. Jerry: Gimme a break! We're not heroes for having unprotected sex on prom night.”Tagged: Marriage, Sex, Unprotected Sex, Prom Night
“Yes, I will! That's right, assholes! Take my penis. Take it all!! And tell Shrimply Pibbles that when the galaxy came calling, Jerry Smith from Earth didn't flinch!”Tagged: penis, galaxy, Flinch, Donor
“Shrimply Pibbles: I've dwelt among the humans. Their entire culture is built around their penises. It's funny to say they are small. It's funny to say they are big. I've been at parties where humans held bottles, pencils, thermoses in front of themselves and called out, 'Hey, look at me. I'm Mr.…”Tagged: Dick Jokes, Genocide, Species, defensive, penis
“Ambassador: Mr. Smith, Shrimply Pibbles' life can be saved... if we replace his heart with your human penis. Jerry: I see... Wait, what?!”Tagged: penis, Organs, Heart Transplant, Life, Saved