Quotes tagged ‘erection’

“Mr. Burgundy, you have a massive erection.”

— Adam McKay, Will Ferrell, Veronica Corningstone, Christina Applegate, imdb.com

“Jonathon ‘Mox’ Moxon: The male erection? Pitchin’ a tent, sportin’ a wood, the icicle if formed, the march is on... Miss Davis: That’s good... Jonathon ‘Mox’ Moxon: Stiff, stiffie, Mr. Mortis, rigor mortis has set in, flesh rocket, Jack’s magic beanstalk, tall Tommy, mushroom on a stick, Mr. Mushroo…”

— W. Peter Iliff, Jonathan 'Mox' Moxon, James Van Der Beek, imdb.com

“I had an erection when he was telling me that he hates the idea of having sex with me.”

— Hannah Gadsby, Liz Doran, Thomas Ward, Josh Thomas, Josh, Josh Thomas, imdb.com

“There's nothing like a call from your dad to make your erection go away.”

— Liz Doran, Josh Thomas, Thomas Ward, Josh, Josh Thomas, imdb.com

“Otis Milburn: I might have a mild to moderate crush on Maeve. Eric Effoing: Yeah, no shit. What gave it away? Otis Milburn: She, uh... she touched my eyebrows, and now I have an erection.”

— Laurie Nunn, Otis Milburn, Asa Butterfield, imdb.com

“I’ve got a stiffy, right, and I couldn’t get it down.”

— Gavin, imdb.com

“An erection is a flagpole on your grave.”

— Alan Parker, Dr. John Harvey Kellogg, Anthony Hopkins, imdb.com

“Larry: Is it a bad thing? Maybe it's not such a bad thing. Cheryl: Oh, 'cause you want people to think you constantly have an erection?”

— Larry David, Larry David, Larry David, imdb.com

“Priest Maxi: Good. Boys, how would you like to perform the Stations of the Cross this Friday night? Stan: The what? Priest Maxi: It's like a skit, where you re-enact the death and glorious resurrection of Jesus Christ. Kyle: Hey, res-erection! That's what my dad needs!”

— David A. Goodman, Matt Stone, Trey Parker, Kyle Broflovski, Matt Stone, imdb.com

“Uh…I've got a crisis…in my pants.”

— Kristofor Brown, Butt-head, Mike Judge, imdb.com

“So Jesus died and then three days later he had an erection.”

— David A. Goodman, Trey Parker, Kyle Broflovski, Matt Stone, imdb.com

“Well, all is forgiven, because right now, I’ve got an erection the size of an East Coast lighthouse, and I’m coming home to share it with my beautiful wife.”

— Justin Roiland, Dan Harmon, Jerry Smith (voice), Chris Parnell, imdb.com

“You make me hard. Now shut up and blow me already.”

— Ann Biderman, Sully Sullivan, James Woods, imdb.com

“Kenneth: Ma’am, this is a wild animal. You can’t treat it like a person. Jenna: No, he’s happy. His costume is hiding his erection.”

— John Riggi, Tina Fey, Jenna Maroney, Jane Krakowski, imdb.com

“What’s the best way to respond when a girl asks, ‘What’s up’? ‘If I tell you, will you sit on it?’”

— Unknown, thoughtcatalog.com

“You know Kegels can help you have stronger orgasms, and a new study found those exact same exercises could also help men. Seriously. So teach him how to do man-Kegels—it's an easy, medication-free way to help him control his erection.”

— Maggie Parker, womenshealthmag.com

“Do not freak out (I repeat, do not FREAK out!) if he can't get it up or if he goes soft inside of you. This has nothing to do with you or the way you look. It does not mean you are terrible in bed or are not sexually pleasing.”

— Addriey Jones, elitedaily.com

“If he's having trouble getting a firm erection, rub a small amount of oil or lubricant onto your palms and put one hand firmly around the base of his penis. Work the other hand from the base up to the head in a circular, twisting motion, as if you were following a winding staircase up his appendage.…”

— Susan Crain Bakos, redbookmag.com