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Leon Phelps

13 quotes

All gay (2)Love (2)fish sandwich (2)Soup (1)erectile dysfunction (1)skank (1)meat burglar (1)Cosmos (1)Longing (1)Impotence (1)Homophobia (1)player (1)fine hams (1)Wang (1)da butt (1)

From “The Ladies Man”

Well, Lance, you're clearly gay. There's nothing really else to say about that. I think you all know that. And that's cool, but, you know, you were trying to oil me up and that's not really cool.

gay Homophobia

But guys you cannot blame the wang.

Wang Impotence

So...you...don't want a fish sandwich?

fish sandwich

Well, listen baby. My car, uh, doesn't exist, so...

bragging

How long have you been uhh nunnin' it up?

celibacy

I will probably begin with a very classy first line...something like: say, sweet thing, can I buy you a fish sandwich?

fish sandwich

Ya know, when a man works hard his entire life enduring hundreds of ladies, many of whom he does not even remember you'd like to think that at the end of the day he will be given a lot of money, without having had to earn it.

player

Listen. I don't care what you say. Chlamydia is a soup. It's my opinion. I can have that if I'd like. You don't have to argue. I've seen it on the grocery store shelf. Don't argue with me about it. I don't care if you are a doctor.

Chlamydia Soup

Yeah, well, you suffer from homo-unerectus. That means your wang is hugeified not by women but by a man.

erectile dysfunction gay

Soul Station Manager: Mr. Phelps, I see you've listed ‘dabut’ under your hobbies? Leon Phelps: Yeah, that's ‘da butt.’

da butt

Listen, I was wandering. Can I ask you a question? Uh...was your father a meat burglar? Here's why I ask: because it looks like somebody stole two fine hams and shoved them down the back of your dress.

meat burglar fine hams ass

My name is Leon Phelps, and to those of you that are uninitiated, I am an expert in the ways of love. I have made love to many fine ladies from the lowliest bus station skank to the classiest most sophisticated, educated, debutante, high society...bus station skank.

Love skank Debutante

What is love? What is this longing in our hearts for togetherness? Is it not the sweetest flower? Does not this flower of love have the fragrant aroma of fine, fine diamonds? Does not the wind love the dirt? Is not love not unlike the unlikely not it is unlikened to? Are you with someone tonight? Do…

Love Longing Togetherness Diamond Cosmos

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