“Mr. Sir: There’s lizards, hot sun, and rattlesnakes. Stanley: Rattlesnakes? Mr. Sir: If you don’t bother them they won’t bother you and ya won’t get bitten and die. Usually.”Tagged: Lizards, hot sun, Rattlesnakes
“Zig-Zag: Say, I didn’t know Marion was a man’s name. Mr. Sir: It ain’t.”Tagged: marion, gender-neutral names
“Mr. Sir: All life begins with water. So think of it this way; I’m givin’ you life. Say thank you. Stanley: Thank you, Mr. Sir.”Tagged: Water, Life, Thank You
“Mr. Sir: Stanley Yelnats...the Fourth? Stanley: Everyone in my family names their son Stanley, ‘cause it’s Yelnats backwards. It’s this little...tradition.”Tagged: Tradition, palindrome
“You Girl Scouts want to hear a story? Once upon a time there was a magical place where it never rained. The end. [snickers scornfully]”Tagged: Girl Scouts, fairy tales
“You take a bad boy, make him dig holes all day in the hot sun, it turns him into a good boy. That’s our philosophy here at Camp Green Lake.”Tagged: Bad Boy, Discipline, hot sun, summer camp
“The Warden Walker: [while all the boys are digging out a deep trench, Armpit tries to dupe the Warden into thinking that he has found something which is obviously nothing more than a recently broken TV knob] Are you trying to be funny, or do you just think I’m stupid? Armpit: No, ma’am. I wasn’t…”Tagged: Funny, Stupid, shower privilege
“Mr. Sir: There ain’t nothing down there. We woulda found it by now. Mr. Pendanski: I wouldn’t tell the queen bee that. Mr. Sir: I ain’t on stupid pills.”Tagged: queen bee, stupid pills
“Mr. Sir: What’re we gonna do? The Warden Walker: You’ll do as I say. [puts her hat on and leaves] Mr. Pendanski: What did she say? Mr. Sir: Not much. Mr. Pendanski: What do we do? Mr. Sir: You’ll do as I say. [puts his hat on and leaves] Mr. Pendanski: But you didn’t say anything, either.”Tagged: do as i say