“Lydia: Are you the guys hiding out in the attic? Adam: We're ghosts! Lydia: What do you look like under there? Adam: Aren't you scared? Lydia: I'm not scared of sheets. Are you gross under there? Are you Night of the Living Dead under there? Like all bloody veins and pus? Adam: Night of the what?…”Tagged: night of the living dead, Ghosts
“Messenger: How do I look? There are no mirrors on this side. Adam: Fine, you look fine. Messenger: Yeah? Barbara: Fine. Messenger: Thanks, I've been feeling a little flat. [he laughs and goes through the crevice in the filing room]”Tagged: Mirrors, Insecurity, Life After Death
“Lydia: They don't wanna come down. Delia: Charles... Otho: Why not? Lydia: I think the reason is, is that they were trying to scare you away, and you didn't get scared. Delia: Please, they're dead. It's a little late to be neurotic.”Tagged: neurotic, Scared
“I'll eat anything you want me to eat. I'll swallow anything you want me to swallow. But, come on down and I'll...chew on a dog! Arroooo!”Tagged: Hunger, Gluttony
“Adam: Cabin fever, hon? Barbara: Well, I can't clean anything properly. The vacuum's out in the garage and we can't leave the house. Why don't they tell us something? I mean, where are all the other dead people in the world? Why is it just you and me? Adam: Maybe this is heaven. Barbara: In heaven…”Tagged: cabin fever, vacuum cleaner, Dust, Heaven
“I'm just doin' my job, besides, I thought we had a deal! Hey, it's OK. You know why? I don't wanna do business with you deadbeats anyway. The only one I think I can deal with is Edgar Allan Poe's daughter. I think she understands me.”Tagged: Deadbeats, Edgar Allan Poe
“Lydia: I was just trying to open the door. Mrs. Butterfield brought over a skeleton key. Charles: Let me have it. Lydia: But it doesn't work. [She hands her father the key. He looks at it and throws it in the corner] Charles: Skeleton keys never work. Anyway, this can wait. We'll get a crowbar…”Tagged: relax, noise-free, skeleton key
“Juno: [as Adam and Barbara come back to the afterlife] You two have really screwed up! I received word that you allowed yourselves to be photographed, and you let Betelgeuse out and didn't put him back, and you let Otho get hold of the handbook! Adam: Handbook? When? Juno: [rolls her eyes] Never…”Tagged: screwed up, Handbook, Living, haunting, Life After Death
“Char Man: Want a cigarette? Adam: No, thank you. Char Man: I'm trying to cut down myself.”Tagged: Cigarettes
“Otho: I have a feeling there's something very interesting behind that door. Delia: [sarcastically] Yeah. Ghosts. The people who died in this house and they want us OUT of here. Well, let's do them a favor...”Tagged: Ghosts, haunting
“Adam: It's the first day of our vacation, and you haven't been out of the kitchen since five a.m. Barbara: [proudly] I always make the flag cake. Adam: Fifty stars, thirteen stripes. Did you get it right this year?”Tagged: vacation, flag cake
“Beetlejuice: You know, you look like somebody I can relate to. Maybe you could help me get out of here, you know, because I got to tell you, this dead thing... it's just too creepy. See, here's my problem. I got these friends I said I'd meet, and it's the kind of thing where I have to be there in…”Tagged: creepy
“[a fly appears in the Maitland home, it flies onto the model of the town, then lands near the graveyard area] Beetlejuice: [pops out of a crack] Hey! Hey, you! Hey, come here! [fly stops, looks Betelgeuse's direction while the hands hold up a Zagnut candy bar] Beetlejuice: Got something good for…”Tagged: zagnut, force-feeding, candy
“Adam: You've read our book? Lydia: Yeah. Adam: You can follow it? Lydia: Yeah. Why were you guys creeping around in Delia's bedroom? Adam: We were trying to scare your mother. Lydia: Stepmother. Anyway, you can't scare her. She's sleeping with Prince Valium tonight.”Tagged: Valium, Prince Valium, Prince Valiant
“Dumb Football Player: Coach. Coach, where's the men's room? Juno: I'm not your coach! He survived! Dumb Football Player #2: Wait, coach, let me get something straight. What's our curfew around here? Juno: Will you get out of here! Go on, get downstairs! 'Men's room!' Are you kidding? Can't you read…”Tagged: men's room, curfew
“Charles: As soon as we get settled, we'll build you a dark room in the basement, okay? Lydia: My whole life is a dark room. One big dark room. Delia: So you were miserable in New York City, and now you're going to be miserable out here in the sticks. At least someone's life hasn't been upheaved.”Tagged: basement, dark room, Miserable, New York City, the sticks