Wednesday: [hooking up an electric chair] Pugsley, sit in the chair. Pugsley: Why? Wednesday: So we can play a game. Pugsley: What game? Wednesday: [strapping him in] It's called, 'Is There a God?'
Catalog
Larry Wilson
[upon seeing that Fester is actually Gordon] I knew it! You are a fake!
Wednesday: Pass the salt. Morticia: And what do we say? Wednesday: [sternly] Now.
Don't be a baby. I know what I'm doing.
Nobody gets out of the Bermuda Triangle, not even for a vacation. Everyone knows that.
Lydia: Are you the guys hiding out in the attic? Adam: We're ghosts! Lydia: What do you look like under there? Adam: Aren't you scared? Lydia: I'm not scared of sheets. Are you gross under there? Are you Night of the Living Dead under there? Like all bloody veins and pus? Adam: Night of the what?…
Messenger: How do I look? There are no mirrors on this side. Adam: Fine, you look fine. Messenger: Yeah? Barbara: Fine. Messenger: Thanks, I've been feeling a little flat. [he laughs and goes through the crevice in the filing room]
Lydia: They don't wanna come down. Delia: Charles... Otho: Why not? Lydia: I think the reason is, is that they were trying to scare you away, and you didn't get scared. Delia: Please, they're dead. It's a little late to be neurotic.
I'll eat anything you want me to eat. I'll swallow anything you want me to swallow. But, come on down and I'll...chew on a dog! Arroooo!
Adam: Cabin fever, hon? Barbara: Well, I can't clean anything properly. The vacuum's out in the garage and we can't leave the house. Why don't they tell us something? I mean, where are all the other dead people in the world? Why is it just you and me? Adam: Maybe this is heaven. Barbara: In heaven…
What's the good of being a ghost if you can't frighten people away?
I'm just doin' my job, besides, I thought we had a deal! Hey, it's OK. You know why? I don't wanna do business with you deadbeats anyway. The only one I think I can deal with is Edgar Allan Poe's daughter. I think she understands me.
Lydia: I was just trying to open the door. Mrs. Butterfield brought over a skeleton key. Charles: Let me have it. Lydia: But it doesn't work. [She hands her father the key. He looks at it and throws it in the corner] Charles: Skeleton keys never work. Anyway, this can wait. We'll get a crowbar…
If you tell me what you do, I'll tell you why my husband will fire you.
Juno: [as Adam and Barbara come back to the afterlife] You two have really screwed up! I received word that you allowed yourselves to be photographed, and you let Betelgeuse out and didn't put him back, and you let Otho get hold of the handbook! Adam: Handbook? When? Juno: [rolls her eyes] Never…
Char Man: Want a cigarette? Adam: No, thank you. Char Man: I'm trying to cut down myself.
Otho: I have a feeling there's something very interesting behind that door. Delia: [sarcastically] Yeah. Ghosts. The people who died in this house and they want us OUT of here. Well, let's do them a favor...
Adam: It's the first day of our vacation, and you haven't been out of the kitchen since five a.m. Barbara: [proudly] I always make the flag cake. Adam: Fifty stars, thirteen stripes. Did you get it right this year?
Beetlejuice: You know, you look like somebody I can relate to. Maybe you could help me get out of here, you know, because I got to tell you, this dead thing... it's just too creepy. See, here's my problem. I got these friends I said I'd meet, and it's the kind of thing where I have to be there in…
[a fly appears in the Maitland home, it flies onto the model of the town, then lands near the graveyard area] Beetlejuice: [pops out of a crack] Hey! Hey, you! Hey, come here! [fly stops, looks Betelgeuse's direction while the hands hold up a Zagnut candy bar] Beetlejuice: Got something good for…