Michael Scott

98 quotes

Entrepreneur · United States Of America · Male

All humor (6)Work (4)Love (4)misworded (3)Drug (2)Prison Mike (2)first (2)contradictory (2)information (2)New York City (2)Office (2)Second (2)Friendship (2)Friends (2)boss (2)

From “Goodbye, Toby”

“Well, it's love at first sight. Actually, it was... No, it was when I heard her voice. It was love at first see with my ears.”

Tagged: Love, first sight, voice, Ears

From “Frame Toby”

“Michael: You wanna hear a lie? Toby: What? Michael: I... think you're great. You're my best friend.”

Tagged: Liar, Best Friends

“I tried, I tried. I tried to talk to Toby and be his friend but that is like trying to be friends with an evil snail. I feel like I'm dying inside. I feel like Neve Campbell in Scream II. She thinks she can go off to college and be happy and then the murderer comes back and starts killing off all of…”

Tagged: Tried, Friend, Simile Examples, evil snail, Scream 2

From “The Duel”

“Don't ever, for any reason, do anything for anyone, for any reason, ever, no matter what. No matter where. Or who, or who you are with, or where you are going or... or where you've been... ever. For any reason, whatsoever.”

Tagged: Reason, Matter, whatsover, Nonsensical

“Sometimes I'll start a sentence and I don't even know where it's going. I just hope I find it along the way.”

Tagged: Sentence, Going, Hope, Start, lost

From “Stress Relief”

“I knew exactly what to do. But in a much more real sense, I had no idea what to do.”

Tagged: I Don't Know What To Do

“An office is for not dying. An office is a place to live life to the fullest, to the max, to... An office is a place where dreams come true.”

Tagged: Office, Dying, Life life, fullest, dreams come true

“No, Rose, they are not breathing. And they have no arms or legs...Where are they? You know what? If we come across somebody with no arms or legs do we bother resuscitating them? I mean, what quality of life do we have there?”

Tagged: CPR, not breathing, practice, arms, legs

“You will not die! Stanley! Stanley! Barack is President! You are black, Stanley!”

Tagged: Die, Death, Barack Obama, President, african american

“I have got to make sure that YouTube comes down to tape this.”

Tagged: Youtube, tape, comes down

From “Lecture Circuit”

“I am a theatrical person. Growing up I always thought I would become an actor, because, I have these memorization tricks that I use. For instance, I learned the Pledge of Allegiance by singing it to the tune of Old Macdonald: I pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States of America / And to…”

Tagged: Pledge of Allegiance, Theatrics, actor, Singing

From “New Boss”

“Tell him to call me ASAP as possible.”

Tagged: Redundant, ASAP, call me

From “Broke”

“Well, well, well, how the turntables.”

Tagged: tables turn, roles switch, misworded

From “Mafia”

“Ok, too many different words from coming at me from too many different sentences.”

Tagged: Confusion, Talking Too Much

From “Scott's Tots”

“It's a good thing Russia doesn't exist anymore.”

Tagged: Russia, Soviet Union, good thing, exisit

From “The Banker”

“I'm making some cosmetic tweaks to help create a more appealing environment. Is that dishonest? Well, think of it this way: when you look in the mirror and you see your push-up bra and your fake eyelashes and your make-up and your press-on nails; the principles that I am applying to the office are…”

Tagged: environment, cosmetic, appealing, push-up bra, Eyelashes

From “The Delivery”

“It is St. Patrick's Day….It is the closest that the Irish will ever get to Christmas.”

Tagged: St. Patrick's Day, irish, Christmas

“Make friends first, make sales second, make love third. In no particular order.”

Tagged: Friends, Sales, Love, first, Second

From “St. Patrick's Day”

“I say dance, they say 'How high?'”

Tagged: dance, jump, how high, misworded

From “Happy Hour”

“Hi, I'm Date Mike. Nice to meet me. How do you like your eggs in the morning?”

Tagged: Dating, Bad Dates

Michael Scott

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